Have you ever experienced “fake love”?
Perhaps the only thing more devastating than fake love is realizing later on that you’ve experienced it and weren’t able to figure it out sooner.
You thought you were really in love, but in reality, she was playing you like a flute. You were head over heels for her, and she was faking it, all along.
It’s a devastating sensation – one that I hope you never have to experience. But how do you know if someone is really faking their love for you? How can you differentiate between fake love and real love?
There are a few key behaviors to watch out for when it comes to fake love, and we’re going to look at 13 of them today.
Let’s begin.
1. She Avoids Physical Contact
One of the biggest signs someone is pretending to love you is a significant decline in physical contact.
Physical contact is a vital part of romantic relationships, but even more important is the fact that we get into sort of “physical contact routines” in our relationships.
A kiss after work. Holding hands while you walk down the street. Cuddling together while watching a movie. Things like this.
When these physical contact routines are damaged (or worse, disappear), it’s like a sign that something is amiss in the relationship. It’s likely that one of the partners in the relationship is going through the motions.
It’s a sign that your connection might be damaged.
While it’s not the tell-all sign, if something is off with your physical contact routine, you might want to perk your ears up. Things could be taking a turn for the worse.
2. She’s Not Excited to See You
In a new relationship, one of the best parts of falling in love is the constant excitement of seeing someone.
You’re giddy and smile at the thought of spending time with them. You plan your day around seeing them. The time you spend with the person you are falling in love with is the most important person to you, and you’re beyond excited to see them.
But then one day, despite still telling you that they “love you”, they aren’t so excited to see you anymore. They’re distant.
Seeing you is routine. It doesn’t excite them.
See, here’s a hard truth about love:
Even if you are comfortable in a relationship, the excitement isn’t supposed to die. It isn’t supposed to turn to dread. You’re not supposed to become miserable. You’re not supposed to stop being excited to see the person that you love.
However, it still happens.
If someone continues to say they love you but they aren’t excited to see you, it’s a telltale sign of fake love.
3. She Doesn’t Talk About the Future of Your Relationship
This is a big one that a lot of people ignore.
In new relationships, people are (rightfully) scared to talk about the future because they don’t want to scare their partner away. They don’t want to come off as too intense, too fast.
But at the same time, if you’ve been seeing someone for a while and they don’t want to talk about the future at all with you, this could be a bad sign.
There are better ways to bring up “future talk” with your partner than others, but if someone avoids the subject with you altogether yet still claims to love you, this could be a sign of fake love.
Real love requires a desire for lasting love. Never forget that whenever you are questioning yourself or your relationship.
4. She Spends All Her Time With You On Her Phone
There’s nothing more tragic than going out to a restaurant or a coffee shop and seeing a couple staring at their phones in the presence of each other.
It’s gross. It’s embarrassing. It’s cringy. It makes me curse the “modern dating culture” outload and lose hope for humanity.
Until I think about how amazing I feel in the presence of my partner – who I truly love.
When I think about that, I realize something painful about couples who are on their phones when they’re together:
It’s a sign that they probably don’t love each other.
But what if the “escapism” is one-sided? What if you’re trying to love her, but she’s just staring at her phone, scrolling TikTok, or texting “other people”?
This is, unfortunately, a sign that the relationship is just not going well. It’s probably a sign that she’s misleading you about how much she’s really interested in you.
The truth is, a woman who’s really into you is going to be really into you. She’s going to want to give you all of her energy and attention when she has you. She’s not going to be scrolling and watching cat videos online when she’s with you.
True love requires true, authentic attention.
5. She’s Moody – All the Time
What’d you do to piss her off?
Honestly? Maybe nothing.
She might just not be that into you anymore. She might just not be interested in your relationship anymore. She might just be upset about it, but too afraid to bring it up.
She might be afraid to leave you and yet still trying to do her best to pretend to love you.
But is that what you want? A relationship with someone who is mad at you, pretending to love, and is moody? Probably not.
If you’re in a relationship with a woman and all of a sudden she can’t control her temper around you, doesn’t sympathize with you and doesn’t even seem to like you, there’s a good chance she might not love you anymore.
6. She Won’t Make Sacrifices
I’m not saying she has to be willing to move heaven and earth for you, and I would never suggest a Romeo and Juliet-esque love story for anyone, but in relationships, sacrifices are necessary, pretty much from the get-go.
You will have to sacrifice things that you normally have, the comforts you’re used to, and (obviously) your pursuit of other women in the name of building a relationship with the woman you are in love with.
You will have to make sacrifices, and so will the woman you are in love with.
If they are unwilling to make these sacrifices, that’s typically a sign that something is off with the relationship.
Like I said – these don’t need to be wild sacrifices, but little sacrifices go a long way.
7. She Isn’t Happy In Her Own Life
This actually is how the greatest heartbreak I’ve ever experienced came about, so I’m writing this particular segment with an extra frame of caution.
When I was younger, I loved a woman, and for a while, she loved me too. We were happy
I was happy, for a while.
But then, my girlfriend stopped being happy.
At first, she said that it wasn’t because of me. At first, it was work. Then it was one of her friends. Then it was family stuff. Then it was her health. It was everything, except for me.
At least, that’s what she told me.
However, over time, the relationship changed. She stopped being happy with me because she was so unhappy with herself and her life. She became miserable, both to love and to be around, but still, I tried. I gave it everything I could because that’s what she said she needed.
In the end, she cheated on me. She was pretending to love me all along.
More on that in a bit.
Unhappiness is a big sign that the relationship is failing.
8. She Makes Empty Promises
Promises tend to be a part of falling in love with someone.
“I’ll never hurt you” or “I’ll never leave you” or “I’ll love you forever”.
But will you really never do any of these things? It’s a bit difficult to say and it’s complicated. It’s a lot more complicated than people tend to think.
But here’s the real problem with “empty promises”:
They create a false sense of security. They create the sense that everything is okay and that it’s all going to be okay when in reality, it’s simply not.
They create the illusion that you’re in deep love, and when the illusion fades, people are going very upset. They feel betrayed. They feel disrespected.
They might even start to resent or disrespect their partner over time.
Is that really what you want?
If your partner is making grandiose promises in your relationship that you think might be empty, be on red alert.
This might be a sign of narcissism or love bombing, or maybe just that she’s pretending to love you.
9. She Insists On Keeping the Relationship a Secret
I don’t particularly like posting every single thing about my relationship online. I like to keep a bit of privacy.
I also think that people who do this are probably compensating for something. There has to be something amiss in their connection if they think that constantly posting about their connection will make it stronger.
However, at the same time, if someone insists on keeping their relationship with you a secret, there’s probably something amiss. They probably aren’t the person you think they are. They probably don’t love you the way that you think they do.
When you love someone, you’re going to want to share them with people, because they’re a part of your life and they are important to you. If someone loves you, this is going to remain true.
If they’re keeping your love a secret, it might just be because it doesn’t exist.
10. She’s Two-Faced
How is your partner when she’s out in public? What about when she meets your friends?
If she acts one way with you at home and then another when she’s out and about, this is a big sign that something is off with her.
When someone loves you, they’re going to put honesty as their top priority. They’re going to try and be their best for you, all the time. They’re going to be the same when they’re with you as they are when they meet your friends or parents.
Two-faced people do not truly want the best for you.
Sure, there may be subtle differences perhaps when your girlfriend is out and about due to anxiety or just the excitement of meeting someone new, but if there’s a big, gaping, noticeable difference (and usually for the worst) when your partner is are out and about or online), this is a big sign that her love for you isn’t as deep as she might make it seem.
Love requires deep authenticity. If she doesn’t have that in her life, she doesn’t have a deep love for you.
11. They’re Constantly “Forgetting” Important Details
Do they claim to love you, but they can’t get your coffee order right after all this time?
Maybe they love you, but stuff like this adds up.
I’m not saying a bad coffee made by your partner is a sign that they’re pretending to love you, but if they can’t get your coffee right, forget your birthday, and can’t remember basic details about you, this is probably a sign they don’t really feel as strongly about you as they might claim.
Yes, everyone has bad days and forgets things from time to time, but with fake love, these “mistakes” will be constant and careless. They might not even care to improve in this department.
This is perhaps the biggest telltale sign of all.
When you love someone, getting to know them is important to you. Understanding how you can care for them is imperative. You want to be with them and understand everything that you possibly can about them.
If someone can’t remember important details about you, it’s a good sign that they don’t really love you.
12. She Isn’t Willing to Grow With You
When the going gets tough when your flaws are revealed, and when life gets “hard”, what does your partner do?
Does she double down and aim to strengthen your bond, or does she do something that makes your stomach kind of sick?
To put it bluntly, does she work to grow with you, or does she make your life kind of miserable? When the going gets tough, does your relationship soften the blow, or does it make your life harder?
At the very least, someone who really loves you should be willing to grow with you through tough times. Someone should be willing to work with you through misunderstandings and “growing pains”.
Love is not a feeling, it is an act, and it is an act that is required to be done every single day. Rain or shine.
13. She Cheats
If you have self-respect, cheating should be a dealbreaker.
Someone who cheats on you but then comes back around and says that they love you is lying. They do not love you. They do not care about you. They’re full of crap.
They love the idea of you.
If you agree to have an exclusive relationship with you and they can’t hold up their end of the bargain, it doesn’t matter what they say.
In fact, if your partner doesn’t meet any of the qualities on this list except for this one, this should still be a clear indication that they are not truly in love with you. If someone is not loyal to you in a relationship, they are pretending to love you.
If you take nothing else from this list, please take this fundamental truth with you.
If you’ve been cheated on and surprised with the truth, you know the pain of betrayal. Do not start to rationalize this pain.
This is not the pain of love, this is the pain of fake love.
If your partner cheats on you, get rid of them.
Takeaways
Fake love can ruin even the bravest and strongest of men.
Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t really love you can damage your self-worth, your peace, your happiness, and your ability to have meaningful relationships in the future. If you’re not careful, you’ll lose the ability to trust.
You’ll feel embarrassed, depressed, anxious, or ashamed. Or worse, all of the above.
But you’re not alone in feeling this way. You’re not alone in thinking that maybe, you deserve better.
If you’ve read this far, I hope it’s because you believe you deserve a true, strong love.
That’s what I want to help you build.
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