The modern man is faced with a challenging world. It’s a world of greater abundance and opportunity but it’s a world in which attracting the ideal woman is tough.
It is competitive. Quite simply, there are fewer beautiful, intelligent, kind, balanced and fun women than there are guys that want to date them.
If you want the girl. The odds are against you.
You need to be ‘better’ than the next man if you want to date the dream girl you’ve always wanted. Because the guy sat next to you, the guy you went for a beer with last weekend and the guy you just walked past on the street, all want to date her too.
And so, you need to ‘be the best man’ more than ever before if you are to succeed in the world of dating.
Before I give you a few of my golden rules to help you achieve regular success with women, I wanted to give you a bit of context.
Why is dating more challenging for the man of today?
Well, for a start, society used to be a bit more structured. Society still existed. You might meet your future partner through Church, your family, your neighbourhood or your first job at 16.
The rules have changed a bit.
Women have careers, ambitions, money and, enabled by advances in technology, extended social groups and networks.
In short, women don’t need men as much these days, if at all. They can survive alone.
Social interactions have also become skewed in favour of a woman. We live in a world more defined by sex than ever before and like it or not this puts the balance of power firmly in the favour of women.
The internet is at the forefront of the subtle changes that have taken place. Take the latest phenomenon of online dating. It is impossible to escape the fact that online dating is driven by the physical. People are forced to make immediate judgements based on physical appearance.
Now, because men are more sexually driven than women they send more messages. They are the hunter.
A recent study shows that a man sending a message to a girl of his own age only has a 4% chance of getting a reply online. Moreover, in order to be 100% sure of receiving at least one response, a man would have to send 114 messages. By contrast, a woman is nearly five times more likely to receive a message when sending to a man.
We have introduced our own online dating management service to make things easier for men, guaranteeing them dates.
This is much the same pattern that would play out in any club, bar or social venue in your locality. At the heart of this is a man’s greater sexual desire. But that is irrelevant.
What is relevant is that in those largest social spaces you might be expected to meet new women, the odds are stacked against you.
Now we have some context. And I return to my initial point.
You have to be better than the man next to you.
3 Simple Rules to Meeting and Attracting Women
I have series of three simple rules for meeting and attracting women, swinging the balance back in your favour. These will all help you to ‘be a man’. Moreover, they will make you the man that your ideal girl wants.
Underpinning my three golden rules are two building blocks.
The first is to be different. The only way to be better than the pack is to be different. Being different, in the right way, is what, ultmately will make a woman attracted to you.
The second is confidence. Confidence isn’t optional when attracting women. It is an absolute necessity. If you don’t walk, talk and dress like a confident man, there is no chance that any desirable woman will be drawn to you.
The three steps below will help you to be different and build your confidence in the right way.
If you want the girl use these 3 steps to turn the odds back in your favor:
1. Be exceptional at something and define yourself by it. Attraction is driven by being different – being exceptional at something will make women attracted to you. This might mean being extremely fit, having an exceptional career, being extremely intelligent or extremely sporty.
But be exceptional and be realistic. You need to pick something that it is possible for you to be better at than anyone else you know.
You might not currently be exceptional at something but by working on something you have a talent for, you can become so. This might not be a quick fix, this isn’t a gimmick. It might take a year. But it is taking those kind of steps that will make you a better man than the next.
And once you find that thing you are exceptional at, it will allow you to start define yourself by something that you are actually good at; it’s attractive. Think of a first date with a girl.
Imagine that you have defined yourself as being a sporty type that loves getting outdoors, being in shape and winning.
If you are doing that, you need the minerals to back that up. And that means an extremely athletic body, a sport you’re really good at and stories to tell. If you have a flabby stomach, go to the gym once a week and used to be good at football, the date is not going to go well. She won’t be interested.
I had a client that was continually defining himself for his intelligence. But he wasn’t that smart. Just having a degree from a mediocre University doesn’t make you exceptionally intelligent.
Having a degree from a world class University and an ongoing interest in arts, science or current affairs just might do.
But this very same client used to be a great tennis player, loved sport and was in extremely good shape. And so we worked on that. He started playing again four times a week, became an Elite Performance Coach and had something with which to define himself.
So, if you want the girl be exceptional at something, define yourself by that and date those girls that value those traits. A simple but winning formula.
2. Meet people in new places. Be different. Stop thinking that you will meet your ideal woman in a bar or a club. You won’t find her there.
I remember the first client I ever met with. He had spent years looking for the perfect girlfriend. I asked him how he was meeting women. He told me that he had been going to bars and clubs.
We worked out that he had been out on over 500 different nights in the last five years and during that times had been on dates with just five high quality women from those nights. And no serious relationships.
When he approached me his question was ‘How do I get better at meeting women on the dance floor?’ By the time he left I had given him a list of 20 different places to meet women, specific to his strengths. The result? He was regularly meeting and dating new women within the space of a week and within three months found his future partner.
Clubs aren’t the best places to meet women; they aren’t ideal at all. The gender ratio is usually more male dominated – not only are women more scarce but the men are also more keen to meet the few females that aren’t there.
It is usually difficult to speak at a normal volume (and shouting in someone’s ear doesn’t make anyone look cool) and the alcohol makes any lasting connection difficult.
There are lots of alternatives. Try the park, museum, gym, coffee shop, supermarket, shopping mall, library or a music festival. Queues anywhere, are a great place. Whatever you do, don’t continue to do something that doesn’t work for you.
And unless you’re very good looking, it’s unlikely that a club is regularly introducing you to the women of your dreams. You’ll also find that when you speak to women during the day, you are obeying one of the golden rules of being different.
If you speak to women during the day you are one of very few, if you do it in a club, you are one of many
You won’t have the alcohol to support you outside of a club and so you will need to work on making sure you can approach lots of women easily during the day. For the client we mention above, he was a very good cook.
He lived in London, near a number of supermarkets, all generally, full of single women after 7pm, looking for their evening meal. He would go there every night, see dozens of attractive single women and say nothing. He needed confidence and something to say.
We simply told him to say something about whatever product it was that the woman was looking at. As he knew a lot about food it was quite easy and also allowed him to communicate one of his strengths.
So whether it was a herb, a sauce or a piece of chicken, he would just say he knew a great dish that included one of those things. Now you don’t need to be a great cook to use the supermarket as a great
The key to finding the right spot or moment is to make it feel natural. Nothing feels worse to a woman than a guy that makes a deliberate and contrived approach.
Another client had no experience of food whatsoever and we sent him into women’s clothes stores looking for a scarf to buy his best female friend for her birthday. It was the simplest opening line- all he needed to do was ask what they thought of the scarves, ask if their was a better store to go to, ask if a scarf was a good gift.
The conversation was easy and at the same time made him seem like a caring friend, taking a genuine interest in securing the right present for his friend. The kind of guy women want to know. The result? He did this for three days straight over a long weekend and walked away with over 20 phone numbers that weekend. I’m not promoting this mass targeting necessarily but it is exactly the kind of thing needed to improve confidence when speaking to women when you’re alcohol free.
Mr L’s bootcamps and individual coaching sessions are ideal for men looking to build their skillset in approaching women in the right way and that involves picking the right location.
3. Look as good as you can. Presentation is critical. Most women will make a decision on whether they could ever date you or not in the first five seconds. Appearance is absolutely key and any dating guru that tells you otherwise is misleading you. If you want the girl then dress the part.
The good news is that almost everyone can look good by making the absolute most of what they have got.
The first and most significant thing you can do is get in shape. This is detailed elsewhere in the guide. Make sure you train according to your goals. Being in good shape isn’t just about the superficial benefit of making you more physically attractive to women.
As well as being physically strong you will also be mentally stronger. Women will see you as disciplined and the kind of man that can look after them. It looks like you prioritise. And on top of all of this, you’ll also feel great, you’ll have more energy, more clarity of thought and be stronger in everything you do.
It will also save you money. Nothing makes a cheap t-shirt look expensive better than a well defined torso!!
Looking good also means walking the right way. Yes, your walk. The first part of your walk is your posture. You must have a strong, masculine posture. Shoulders and neck set back correctly, standing your full height.
Height is attractive to most women and you should try and get every last inch out of your body. Work deliberately, walk with presence, make every step sign. When you enter any room or setting you must work like you have control. Watch The Good, The Bad and The Ugly and watch how Clint Eastwood moves. With purpose, with presence.
And to look good you MUST dress well. This is the area that men often neglect the most. Every little detail is important- it matters to women. And your style should be congruent with your identity.
A tailored suit is an essential for every man. Every man should own one black tailored suit and at least one other- in grey or blue. The suit should look like it fits and is made for you. Invest in a good pair of shoes. The rest of your wardrobe need not be that expensive. Just make sure your shirts are well pressed. Brighten it up with different handkerchief to go with the shirt.
In terms of your general outfits my advice is to experiment with cheaper high street brands and see what works for you. You can experiment with full outfits that cost less than $50. Once you get an outfit or look that works for you, invest in something slightly more expensive and tailored.
Our personal shopping experience always starts with this process. Raid all the high street stores for cheap outfits, establish what colours, cuts and styles work, before investing in some timeless pieces. And get female opinions.
Things you should invest in are: a talented hair stylist- the local barber just won’t do it; a good dentist- your teeth should be white and straight; good personal hygiene- take 30 minutes at the start and end of each day to take care of this.
If your eyebrows are too bushy or out of shape pluck them, if you have nose hairs, trim them. The same goes for any unsightly hair. If you’re unsure about where to start (and the experience is often personal) ask your female friends for an honest opinion.
You must look like you can take good care of yourself. A woman will not see you as a good candidate to take care of her unless you can do yourself.
Attracting women is clearly a very personal journey. The rules above will give you an excellent start.
If you want the girl then start making these work for you on a personal and daily basis, you could do what many other men are doing and try some coaching or a bootcamp with Mr L. More details can be found on www.mrldating.com or twitter.com/meetmrl
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