Maybe you thought everything was going “according to plan.”
You met a new girl, you’re hitting it off, and your first date (or first few dates) has gone extremely well. You have chemistry a lot in common, and the attraction is intense.
Everything felt right. It felt perfect. It felt almost too perfect – too good to be true.
And then, all of a sudden, you had the rug pulled out from under you. She tells you she doesn’t want to see you anymore. She says that she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.
In the worst cases, she might just ghost you, and you won’t understand why.
You’re left angry, confused, and doubting yourself. You don’t know what you did wrong, and you’re stuck in your head analyzing and overanalyzing your behavior.
What did you do wrong?
Luckily, it isn’t your fault.
But maybe it is.
Here are the 8 main reasons why a girl might stop talking to you without an explanation.
1. She Thinks You’re Not Interested In Her
Were you trying to “play it cool”?
Well, you might have screwed up. You might have played it too cool. In your effort to maintain distance and remain mysterious, you might have convinced your woman that you aren’t even really interested in her.
She might have taken this as a sign that you either aren’t interested, are trying to play games, or worst of all, don’t know what you want and stringing her along for the ride.
At this point, it’s out of your control, but if you think this is something you did, it can’t hurt to contact her and show you that you’re interested. Worst case scenario, she doesn’t respond, and there you have your answer.
But there’s an important lesson from this: if you are interested in someone, show them. Don’t be wishy-washy, don’t be “mysterious”, and don’t fail to show them that you like them. Women like a man who likes them – not someone who’s so obsessed with being “hard to get” that they make themselves impossible to love.
But if you don’t show her you’re interested, don’t expect her to stick around.
2. She Got Bored/Didn’t Feel a Spark
This one is tough for a lot of guys to accept because there’s not really a lesson to be learned here.
Sometimes, she’s just not that into you.
Maybe it’s because you’re boring. Maybe she thought you were too awkward and she didn’t enjoy spending time with you. Maybe she had a great time with you, but she felt more like it was hanging out with a friend than being with someone you’re sexually attracted to.
Maybe she was attracted to you, but the chemistry wasn’t there.
There are a bunch of different reasons why your date could have gone poorly, and she might have even told you this when she decided to stop talking to you. Romantic relationships are built on romance, “a good time with a nice person”.
You don’t want that though.
You don’t want to settle and you don’t want to be with someone who seems like or feels like they’re settling for you.
Sometimes, people struggle with saying this to people because they don’t want to hurt their feelings. It’s strange because I think ghosting is more hurtful than letting someone know you don’t like them, but it’s what people do anyway.
If she suddenly “doesn’t want to talk to you”, there’s a good chance she doesn’t feel attracted to you.
3. You Made Her Uncomfortable
If you really think she’s into you and then suddenly she stopped talking to you, now might be a good time to review your behavior around her and the tactics you used.
We’re you extremely forward or flirtatious? Did you make inappropriate jokes or comments? Did you do something shady? Were you on your phone too much during the date?
It might have seemed like nothing to you, but these types of behaviors are dealbreakers for women, especially women who know what they want from a relationship. If you do something to make her uncomfortable and she knows what makes her uncomfortable, she will probably end the relationship suddenly. You’re probably going to feel like you’ve done something wrong.
That’s because you have done something wrong in her eyes and ultimately when it comes to eliminating you as a romantic partner, her eyes are the only ones that matter.
So what do you do if you’ve made her uncomfortable?
Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot that you can do. You can apologize, I guess, but that won’t bring her back. Really, you’re going to have to just improve your behavior for your next time. You’re going to have to learn from what happened despite the fact that it won’t bring her back.
You’re going to have to swallow your pride.
You can always ask if you did something to make her uncomfortable if it seems this way – and it might be a good idea to do so even if you feel the relationship is “dead”.
The art of attracting women is never-ending.
4. She’s Interested in Someone Else
When I was in college, I went on 2 dates with an absolutely beautiful girl.
She was smart, funny, and drop-dead gorgeous. From the first time we shook hands in a coffee shop on a warm fall afternoon, I was head over heels for her. I was convinced I wanted to make her my wife.
After the second date, however, her communication became a bit rocky. I heard from her less. A few days after that first date, I went out with my friend to a bar. We went for a drink, and then we were walking around together.
All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, a beautiful girl caught my eye, but not because she was beautiful, because she was familiar.
It was the same girl I had been seeing, holding hands with another man as they walked down the street together licking ice cream cones. We locked eyes for a moment and I knew it was over. I knew then that the reason she wasn’t texting me back wasn’t because “she was busy” or even because I’d done something wrong, it was because she found someone else.
My heart sank. My palms began to sweat. I wasn’t even crying, but tears came to my eyes uncontrollably. I felt extremely weak and vulnerable in that moment.
“Do you know her?” my friend said, as I stood in the street.
“Yeah,” I said, “I went out with her last night.”
We never talked about it again.
I wonder if she’s still with that guy.
5. She Never Got Over Her Ex
I’ve had this happen to me before, too.
Usually, however, there are some warning signs that help you identify this before it’s too late – before you’re actually getting hurt.
One key sign that she’s not over her ex is pretty simple, but a lot of guys ignore it.
If she’s constantly talking about her ex and it annoys you, she’s probably not at the same level of commitment you are at about your new relationship. She’s probably a bit stuck in the past.
It’s really important that you bring this up with her because this will lead to problems over time. Relationships need 2 people who are present and invested fully in the current situation.
Maybe she realized she’s not over her ex and decided to stop talking to you to avoid both of you getting your feelings hurt, or maybe she’s just not really interested in you because she’s actually interested in getting back together with her ex.
Either way, is that really what you want in your life?
Choosing to have a relationship with someone who is in a mental relationship with someone else is the definition of settling. You should never settle in a relationship unless you’re happy, and you will not be happy with someone who doesn’t love you.
6. There’s an Emergency
This is always a possibility, but whether or not you actually want to believe it is up to you.
It’s actually happened to me before.
I was talking to a girl for a few weeks, we had a really nice back-and-forth dialogue and plenty of flirting, and I thought it was going well. I definitely wanted to see where it was going to go.
Then, she disappeared. I assumed that she ghosted me and I went about my life. Luckily by that point in my life ghosting didn’t really affect me anymore.
But then, randomly, the girl came back. We ended up having a relationship for several months that just didn’t work due to life and circumstances.
It was a whole thing, but the fact that she stopped talking to me didn’t ruin our chances of having a relationship.
The biggest key, in my experience, to navigating those early stages of relationships is to “flow with the go” a bit more. Know how to relax.
How to let things slide – without being weak.
This is important for getting to know someone.
I don’t think you should really be stingy about screening the person you’re with until you are actually trying to have an exclusive relationship with someone.
Occasionally in life, emergencies happen. It’s okay.
It’s only a dealbreaker if you make it one.
7. She’s Afraid of Getting Hurt
Fear makes people do crazy things.
In some cases, although a woman might really like you, she still might run for the hills when she’s deeply scared of getting hurt.
Sometimes, you might even do things that make her feel like she’s going to get hurt, even if you don’t realize it. Some examples of this might be not communicating effectively, not being able to think long-term, and having low emotional intelligence.
If you make yourself seem like someone who is not safe to be in a relationship with, people will take what you give them and use it to judge you.
Is this always fair to judge someone based on things they say when they’re emotional or have done in the past? No, but we do it anyway.
You probably do it too, and that’s okay.
It’s just important to remember where other people are coming from and to do the best you can to provide a safe environment for the 2 of you to get to know each other and spend time together.
If someone is afraid of being hurt by you, they won’t want to spend time with you and they won’t feel comfortable opening up with you.
They’ll probably stop talking to you if they feel this way.
8. She’s Playing Games
Occasionally, you’ll run into someone who is actually toxic.
Someone who likes playing games, stringing you along, and testing you to see if you’re really interested in them.
This could be a reason why someone stops talking to you, but this is the case, they’ll always come back for more. The “hot and cold” thing is part of their act, and ghosting you for a while might just be their method of choice.
If someone plays games with you, you’re better off without them in your life. They might be beautiful, you may lust after them, and time with them might make the world slow down for a bit – but that doesn’t mean that it’s a good relationship. That doesn’t mean that it will lead anywhere.
If someone is being hot and cold with you – or just making your life harder by being sketchy, playing hard to get, or being “hot and cold”, just forget about it.
In this case, the juice is never worth the squeeze.
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