How many times have you seen a friend get into a relationship and you just don’t understand why he is with her?
You think to yourself….why her?
Other than her looks….what does he see in her?
How does he stand her attitude, the way she spends his money or the way she treats other people?
Maybe your friends even said this about you at some point.
We’ve all been there.
Usually, it will take a few bad or even mediocre relationships before you find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
During those trials, you may want to consider letting go of something that is “okay” to create space for something that is remarkable.
When you start to see the signs that you need to break up with your girlfriend it can be awkward, scary and sometimes life-changing.
But sometimes, it’s a necessary and a painful step on your path towards growth and happiness.
Here are the seven signs to lookout for that you shouldn’t ignore.,,
1. She Doesn’t Get Along with Your Friends and Family
There is nothing worse than being with a girl who just can’t seem to get along with your family and friends.
Or even worse, takes you away from seeing all of them.
If your family and friends think you have been kidnapped like Liam Neeson’s daughter in Taken, you might have a problem.
I’ve been in those relationships and seen friends in them as well…the worst part is that you often can’t see it because you are in too deep. Often times you don’t want to hear what your friends and family are telling you if they say anything negative about her.
Guys, if your parents, friends, or someone close in your life tells you they can’t stand your girlfriend maybe it’s time to take a step back and evaluate the relationship.
2. You’re Different When You Are With Her or You Change to Make Her Happy
How awful is it when you see a friend do a complete 180-degree turn once he gets a new girlfriend?
It is a horrible feeling to watch one of your friends succumb to the pressures and b.s. of his toxic girlfriend that you barely even recognize him when the two of you spend time together.
I’ve watched my friends that are funny, carefree, and loud become very quiet and boring quickly.
It’s natural to behave slightly different with your different social circles. But ask yourself these questions:
- Is she draining your energy or giving you energy?
- Are you able to be yourself when you are around her?
- If you’re outgoing, positive and talkative are you the same with her?
- Does she feel like you steal the show and have to be mellow, quiet, and unassertive?
And the most important question that you can ask yourself while going through this process is simple.
What Do You Do Without Her?
She finally has to go on a work trip or visit her family for the weekend, what do you do with your time alone?
Do you let loose and act like you just escaped prison like Andy Dufresne or do things barely change at all?
If it feels like you escaped Alcatraz then you should probably ask yourself…. why is it so different when she is in town?
I’ve witnessed friends that go crazy when their girlfriends head out of town, others too scared to do anything, and some just do what they want to do…like always.
While it’s totally normal to have a guys night out when she’s away if you countdown to when she leaves like the world depends on it that might be a red flag.
It’s okay to look forward to guys night out but you shouldn’t be scared to do the same when she’s in town.
Another important factor to consider is whether or not you want to include your girlfriend in the most important facets of your life.
Do you actually want her to be involved in your day to day?
You should want to show off your girlfriend to the people that matter most to you. She should be a part of your life and be involved with your friends, family, and coworkers.
You shouldn’t think twice about inviting her to any part of your life. It could be a happy hour with a college friend in town, dinner with your folks, or a work party.
Hopefully, she introduces herself with confidence and doesn’t become a stage 5 clinger attached to your arm and secluding herself from others.
3. She Doesn’t Respect Your Goals, Support Your Vision or Help You Become a Better Man
“You are the average of the five people you associate with most, so do not underestimate the effects of your pessimists, unambitious, or disorganized friends. If someone isn’t making you stronger, they are making you weaker.” ~Tim Ferriss
How do you expect to achieve your big, crazy and audacious goals if the most important person in your life is not supporting you?
One of the best parts of a relationship is creating goals together and having something you can build together. Your girlfriend should be Beyonce to your Jay-Z, she should be supporting your dreams no matter how big or ridiculous as they might seem.
If you’re doing a good job setting big enough goals and she isn’t your number one fan, run the hell away…quickly.
Somedays your goals will keep you at the office longer, working on new projects or meeting new people to get your idea off the ground.
Make sure she understands it’s all part of your goals and doesn’t get jealous of you spending time elsewhere.
When it comes to achieving greatness, you have to audit your inner circle and make sure that everyone around you is optimistic, positive, and encouraging.
4. She Has No Goals of Her Own and Very Low Internal Drive
An important addition to the previous point is that women who do not have large goals themselves will often feel insecure and unsure of themselves later down the line until they are actively distracting you from your goals and mission.
Turn the focus to her and ask her about her goals. What is she trying to accomplish personally and professionally?
This will put the emphasis on her and will be a great time to learn what she is working towards in life.
If she doesn’t seem to have any goals it should be a clear sign she’s not motivated enough for you and will begin to drag you down eventually.
5. She’s Bad with Money and Has Little Desire to Improve
“Money and success don’t change people; they merely amplify what is already there.” ~Will Smith
One of the top three reasons for divorce is financial problems.
There is nothing worse than a girl who has zero financial literacy and enjoys mindlessly spending your money.
It’s ok if she wants to enjoy a fancy dinner or nice hotel every once in awhile, but if she is habitually bad with money…good luck.
If she has a “Princess Complex” and demands only the nicest things all the time, she’ll probably leave you if things don’t go as planned in life.
You shouldn’t tolerate bad money habits. If you have a financial hot mess of a girlfriend these habits are bound to affect you in the long run.
Of course, you should be chivalrous and buy her things or dates it shouldn’t be all on you 100% of the time.
Have The Money Talk
One of the best things you can do early in a relationship is to have an open and honest conversation about money.
You should get the full picture before you jump to any conclusions.
This obviously isn’t first date topics but it should definitely happen sooner than later.
Understand who pays for what like eating out, trips, or daily items if you are living together.
Usually the longer together the more likely you will go deeper into the conversation.
6. You’re always Fighting Over Petty B.S.
“Don’t waste another minute dealing with a toxic, negative, energy-draining person. Some people are wired for negativity. They love being argumentative, combative, and abusive. Run for your life as quickly as possible.” ~Les Brown
I use to live with a guy in college who had the most consistent, insane fights with his girlfriend ever. There would always be screaming, tears, and yet somehow makeup by the end of the night.
This would happen 2-3 times a week, it was insane to live with but extremely entertaining.
If your relationship feels like an Eminem music video it might be time to evaluate the situation.
Constant fighting comes from a ton of different issues but usually, jealousy, lack of trust, and different views of the world tend to be the big three.
It’s natural to have a conflict in a relationship and sometimes it is even healthy. But if you are arguing more than you’re not, you have a serious problem.
The “honeymoon” phase of a relationship should have the fewest arguments. If things are going bad in the early stages you’re sure to have even more in the future.
The root cause of jealousy is almost always insecurity. If you get upset when she talks to a guy or she worries anytime you mention another woman you better address it quickly.
The best way to overcome jealousy is to have an open, honest conversation about what is bothering her.
Don’t have the conversation after happy hour or a bad day at work either. Find a time when you both can address any situations as they arise.
Lack of Trust
Is she asking your code to your phone or is she snooping around in your texts or inbox? The basic unit of any relationship is trust.
If this type of behavior becomes a habit she will be peppering you with questions anytime you go out or do anything out of your daily routine.
Your actions in life shouldn’t need a constant check-in and explanation like you are freshmen in high school again.
If you fight more than once a month and it always turns into a cinematic blockbuster where you discuss breaking up every time, maybe it’s time to move on.
You Don’t Have Fun
I’m sure at the beginning of the relationship you had a ton of fun….but what happened, where did the fun times go?
Maybe you were crashing weddings, going on spur of the moment road trips or taking fun vacations to new places you have never been.
Tony Robbins said it best, “If you do what you did in the beginning of the relationship there won’t be an end.”
7. She Gets Too Comfortable and Let’s Herself Go Because She Feels She’s “Caught You”
How many times have you seen this one?
Your buddies hot girlfriend transforms into a version of yourself you can hardly recognize a year later.
Sadly, in a lot of relationships as time wears on the comfort level increases. This usually leads to letting go, putting on weight, and overall sloppiness.
Guys — don’t let this happen to you as I’ve seen it go both ways (as I have also done in the past).
Just because you aren’t pursuing new girls doesn’t mean you should get comfortable with a beer gut and figure she will accept it.
Both sides of the relationship should make maintaining their physical appearance a must. Not only will you look better but you will feel better and increase your mental performance.
A friend of mine recently got married and they set forth the 10% rule. Each of them was allowed to gain up to 10% of their total weight from what they were on their wedding day.
Men crave spontaneity.
If the days of random gifts or sexy lingerie have been replaced with baggy sweatpants it’s time to cut ties.
Similar to the weight gain and comfortableness, your girlfriend should still be surprising you inside and out of the bedroom.
Of course, you should be returning the favor, but if it’s getting lopsided you might need to address the situation sooner than later.
Sex Becomes A Planned and Uneventful
Let’s get real, no relationship can be healthy without physical intimacy.
Sex shouldn’t be some planned event that you calendar in for 8pm every Tuesday.
It should be fun and spontaneous, not part of your schedule
Also, if she begins to dangle sex like a carrot or doesn’t want you anymore… what are you doing?
Should You Break Up With Her?
Use these seven reasons as a measure of the health of your relationship, not as an end all be all guide to your romantic life.
You need to remember that you are in a relationship with another human being who is just as messed up and fallible as you are.
You might be experiencing some of the issues I listed as part of a rough patch and they aren’t necessarily indicative that the two of you are a bad match.
Often times you can work through several of these or avoid them entirely by communicating with each other.
At the end of your day you should be proud of being with your girlfriend. It should be fun, spontaneous, and someone you love spending your life with.
You should know that you don’t have to worry about her when you’re out of town or you fail at one of your big goals.
To live your best life be sure it’s spent with someone who has your back no matter what and is someone you want to share experiences together
If you do decide it’s time to move on and need some help be sure to check out our Break Up Manual for Men.
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