68: Randy Flood: Mascupathy, a Pathology of Masculinity

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Randy Flood, MA, LLP, is the co-founder and director of the Institute for the Prevention & Treatment of Mascupathy (IPTM). His foundational role is the culmination of over 20 years of creating and developing specialized clinical services for men that address anger management, fathering, domestic abuse, sex addiction, emotional intelligence, trauma, custody and parenting time problems, divorce, male identity, mid-life crisis, substance abuse, relationships and other issues.

Favorite Success Quote

“Mens task is not in the end to figure how to be masculine rather their masculinity lies in figuring out how to be human.” – Susan Faludi

Key Points

1. You Need to Develop a Deeper Connection with the Men in Your Life 

One of the greatest problems that we are facing as men in the 21st century is our lack of community.

We are going through life alone, trying to figure everything out by ourselves with no support and no system to get us through tough times.

And the results have been catastrophic.

Suicide rates among young men have soared, depression is at an all-time high, and drug abuse continues to pervade the modern male landscape.

And while there is no easy fix to this problem, one of the best things that men can do is to surround themselves with and deeply connect with other men.

Find a group of men who you aren’t afraid to cry around.

Find a group of men who gives you permission to share your emotions, your struggles, and your demons.

More importantly, you need to get around men who not only encourage you to share but also have real insights and advice that can help you break through.

As soon as you can do this, your entire life will change.

2. Breakdown Your Current View of Masculinity 

Most men have a corrupted view of masculinity and believe that they need to trim their nails with a machete, shave with a chainsaw (just kidding, real men don’t shave), and hunt polar bears with a plastic spork to be considered a real man.

But masculinity goes far deeper than that.

It’s not about suppressing your emotions, driving fast cars, or doing any of the activities that were traditionally considered “manly”.

It’s about embracing your role as a creator, a builder, and game changer.

It’s about devoting your life to something bigger than yourself and having the conviction to stand by your devotion.

Take a good hard look at your current view of masculinity.

Is it serving you?

Is it pushing your forward?

Or is it holding you back?

3. Find Role Models of True Masculinity 

In addition to surrounding yourself with other men who are on the same journey, you must seek out mentors who possess the characteristics and traits that you want to emulate.

Find men who are living their lives on a higher level and ask them to help you on your own journey.

Find role models who show compassion, who have the ability to share their emotions and express their feelings without being controlled by them, and most importantly, find men who are living their lives for a higher purpose.

You are the average of the five people who you spend your time with most.

And when you begin to spend more time around men who model true masculinity, you will find yourself slowly buy surely rising to their level.

4. Pull Back the Curtain and Own Your Vulnerability 

You must stop hiding.

Stop hiding how you feel, what you want, and who you truly are.

Because it is only when we are vulnerable that we have true power.

When you can own your true self, when you can express your feelings and emotions, when you can tell people what you want and how you feel, you will find your true power.

Embracing vulnerability eliminates the fear, doubt, and insecurity that were once residing in your mind and frees you from the prison of living your life for someone else.

Pull back the curtain, own your true self, and own your vulnerability.

5. Learn to Connect with Women Outside of Sex 

One of the biggest tragedies in our modern male culture is the prevalence of connecting with women exclusively through sex.

Most men do not know how to truly connect with a women, how to deeply and intentionally listen to and understand the women in their lives.

They only know how to seduce and use women for sexual conquests.

When you can learn how to connect with a woman outside of sex, when you can free yourself from the macho egoic thoughts that have controlled your actions in the past, you unlock real power with the women in your life.

Because the great irony of the male female dynamic is that when you are willing to connect with a woman outside of sex, when you are eager and willing to pull back the curtain and peer into her soul, women are more willing to open up sexually because they feel safe with you.

Influential Books

Men’s Work by Paul Kivel

Man Enough by Frank Pittman

Awakening From the Deep Sleep by Robert Pasick

I Don’t Want to Talk About it by Terrence Real

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Connect with Randy Flood

mascupathy.org

Mascupathy the book

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