328: Paul Colaianni: The Unexpected Path to Emotional Fulfillment and Life Long Happiness

Best-selling author and Personal Empowerment Coach Paul Colaianni is the host of the top-rated personal growth and development podcast called The Overwhelmed Brain.

Having gone through a dysfunctional upbringing, many failed relationships, and several life-changing events including a breakdown in the desert a thousand miles from home, Paul started a journey of healing and growth that led him to where he is today: teaching others how to make the right decisions that lead to self-empowerment.

Favorite Success Quote

“The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision”

Key Points

1. Learn to Master the Art of Decisive Action 

I want you to imagine that you are in an emergency situation.

You are in the middle of a big city with your girlfriend when all of the sudden, you feel the ground start to shake and stand back in horror as 30 story buildings collapse all around you.

What are you going to do?

You are really only left with two options, take action and get to safety, or stay frozen where you are in fear.

With the adrenaline coursing through your veins and your life on the line, I have little doubt that you would immediately grab your woman and pull her away from the carnage.

However, whenever we are faced with situations that are not life or death, I often find that men simply sit back and atrophy, allowing their fear to lead to inaction.

If you are familiar with Winston Churchill will remember his famous quote, “The best thing you can do is the right thing, the second best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

You need to remember in your everyday life that the absolute worst thing you can do is nothing.

If you want to be healthy, the best thing you can do is to find the right program and follow it, the next best thing is to find a subpar program and follow it, the worst thing you can do is to not follow any program out of fear of failure.

If you see a beautiful woman, the best thing you can do is to approach her, introduce yourself, and charm her socks off. The next best thing is that you approach her, introduce yourself, get rejected, and learn. The worst thin is that you can do nothing.

No matter what the situation is, be decisive and take some action.

Because at the end of the day, you can still achieve your goals with blind base hits, but you will never achieve anything if you allow indecisiveness to lead to inaction.

2. Break Down Your Fears Until You Figure Out the Truth 

What are you scared of?

No really?

What keeps you up at night? What makes your skin crawl? What topic do you avoid at all costs? What thoughts slip into your head when no one else is watching?

Is it failure? Loss of love? Loss of a loved one? Ridicule? Embarrassment?

Now tell me… why is that so bad?

This question is not posed to belittle your fears but rather to make your think.

For example, let’s say that you are scared of quitting your job to start your own online business.

Well, what are you scared of? That you will fail and you won’t have any money?

Why is that scary? Because you won’t be able to eat and you will go homeless?

Why is that scary? Because you are going to die?

The more you dig into these fears, the more you realize that they are almost entirely unfounded.

Even if you failed at your business, odds are you would find a way to make ends meet.

If you didn’t then you would probably have friends or family who could help you.

If you didn’t have even that, the odds of you dying from homelessness are pretty slim.

You need to realize that the worst thing that can happen typically is not that bad, and the fears that are holding you back from success are almost always false.

3. Be Single Instead of Settling

We all have a mental image of the kind of woman that we want in our life.

And I am not just talking about what she looks like and how great the sex is either.

I am referring to the kind of woman who makes us better, who we want to be with every day, who loves us and is loved in return.

The kind of woman that gives you butterflies in your stomach every time you see her, who you could spend hours wrapped up in her eyes, who challenges you to be a better man, and helps you to see the good in yourself and others, even when you don’t want to.

These kinds of women exist.

So why is it that most of us are stuck in relationships that don’t even come close to resembling this?

Why is it that most of us are with women who we merely tolerate?

If you want to have truly satisfying relationships, then you need to realize that you cannot settle.

You need to know what you want in a woman, what is non-negotiable for you, and then do not rest until you find the woman you are looking for.

Because quite frankly, a life spent “alone” is better than a life spent in relationships with someone who does nothing but bring you down.

Influential Books

1. The Manipulative Man by Dr. Dorothy McCloy

2. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

3. My Voice Will Go With You by Sydney Rosen


Connect with Paul Colaianni


The Times Have Changed. This is the Way Forward in 2024.

Here’s how I can help in my new FREE training on becoming a stronger Grounded Man:

1. The new path for men that creates a purpose driven life and doesn’t require you to lose your personal power, put women on a pedestal or sacrifice your goals.

2. Why men consistently settle and ignore the most important areas of life like the quality of their intimate relationships, social life and happiness and how to optimize all three without sacrificing professional growth.

3. The biggest mistake 97% of men make that breeds loneliness, breakups and emasculation that is absolutely reversible with this counter intuitive strategy.