299: Joshua Hathaway: How to B.S. Proof Your Relationships

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Joshua Hathaway, M.A. Holistic Clinical Psychology, is a Tongue Fu black belt and master of the Art of Connection.

Through his private and organizational training in No Bullsh!t Communication, as well as coaching and consulting, Joshua is radically empowering people’s success in the changing landscapes of modern love and leadership.

Favorite Success Quote

“All good things are wild and free” ~ Henry David Thoreau

Key Points

1. Your Body Language Effects Your Psychology

If you are approaching life in a weak disempowered state, with your shoulders hunched over, your head down, and your arms closed off, you are going to be playing life at a smaller level.

Have you ever noticed how powerful people all have similar body language?

They all stand up straight, project forward with their bodies and voices, have open postures, and own their space.

They do this because your body language affects your psychology, your mood, and even your hormonal balance.

From today moving forward, start making a conscious effort to change your body language and watch how it changes how you show up in the world.

2. Your Breath can Change Your Life

If you want a quick and easy way to change your life and your relationships, I will give it to you in one word: Breathe.

It is that simple.

If you are feeling stressed out… Breathe.

If you are fighting with your significant other and getting losing your temper… Breathe.

If you are in a beautiful place and simply want to appreciate the sweetness of life… Breathe.

Breathing more deeply, more fully, more regularly will help you to stay grounded and present and can completely change your life in a way few other things can.

3. Stop Telling B.S. Stories 

In relationships, we are often tempted to make up b.s. stories and wild claims that are not grounded in fact.

If you want truly satisfying relationships, you need to stop this immediately.

Instead of saying that someone never listens, stick with the facts.

Say something like “That is the third time today you have cut me off while I was talking and it’s really frustrating me”

This approach focuses on facts instead of accusations and it will allow you to get to the root of your relational problems easier than name calling and b.s. storytelling.

4. Just Listen 

Seriously, this point is so simple but so profound.

Just shut the hell up and listen.

Don’t take things personally or get angry about whatever is being said.

Just listen, ask better questions and try to get to the root of what is really happening.

Stop talking and just listen.

5. Talk about observations, feelings, and values 

Whenever you are in a serious conversation with a significant other, talk about three things.

First, your observations, or what you have noticed is happening in your relationship.

Are they respecting you or not? Are they showing up in a certain way? Have they been caught in a certain pattern of actions?

Next talk about how the observation has made you feel.

Are you feeling loved? Upset? Frustrated?

Finally, discuss your values.

Do you value integrity and honesty but have observed a pattern of lying? Say so.

Influential Books

1. The Non Violent Communication Handbook by Martial Rosenberg

2. Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz

3. The Work by Byron Katie

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Connect with Joshua Hathaway

http://www.masteryourbullshit.com/

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