309: Erik Newton: Simple Tools for Better Relationships

Erik Newton is a former family law attorney, and founder of Together Magazine and The Together Show Podcast. Erik describes himself as someone who’s “been through a thousand divorces and still believes in love.”

Ushering couples through divorce was never pleasant, but it turned out to be the ideal medium through which to understand the entire lifecycle of a relationship. As a result, Erik has a unique, real-world comprehension of what makes one marriage thrive and another fall apart.

During his time as an attorney, Erik teamed up with a psychologist friend to lead premarital courses for couples, hoping to give them the skills they’d need to stay out of his office.

Ultimately, his calling to help couples build healthy relationships superseded his legal career, and he decided to dedicate himself full-time to creating a place couples could go for information, inspiration, and a big dose of truth. That’s whenTogether.Guide was born.

Favorite Success Quote

“If you don’t ask, it’s an automatic no”

Key Points

1. There is Only the Present Moment 

It is so easy to get caught up in our past mistakes and future worries.

Most of us are living our lives in a reality that does not really exist, we spend all of our time thinking about mistakes that we made in the past and our plans and fears for the future.

If you want to truly be happy, if you want to truly have fulfilling relationships and you want to see your life transform before your eyes, then see every moment as the beginning.

Right now, this very second, you have a choice.

It’s not about what you did or what you are going to do in the future, it is about who you are deciding to be in this present moment.

Always remember that this is the most important decision that you can make.

2. Compassion is Essential in Every Stage of Your Relationships

One of the biggest mistakes that most couples make whenever they are going through a challenging time or approaching the end of a relationship is that they lose the compassion they once had for their partner.

You need to always approach your partner with a level of empathy and understanding, no matter how badly they have hurt you or what they have done to you.

Because if you do not, you will only be poisoning your own life and cutting off any possibility of a relationship with that person, platonic or otherwise.

3. When Something is Not Working, Get Excited 

It is so easy to get depressed and down on yourself when something is not working in your relationship.

Whether you are afraid things are going to end or you are simply losing the passion that you once had, whenever you start to face a struggle in your relationship, it is time to get excited.


Because if something is not working, then you have the chance to either end the relationship and move onto something better or dive even deeper in your relationship with your partner as you overcome this new obstacle.

Just like challenges in life are a chance for you to grow as a man, challenges in relationships are a chance for you to grow with your partner.

4. View Every Major Break Up as a Chance to Learn 

Anytime you suffer from a major breakup, whether with a girlfriend or a divorce with a wife, you need to realize that this is nothing more than a chance for you to learn.

See it as a privilege that you had the breakup.

Because now you are a stronger, more grounded, and more knowledgeable man who knows what he wants moving forward.

Never suffer through any major life event without taking time to figure out what you can learn and how you can change things moving forward.

5. If You Want to Save Your Relationships Remember Money, Sex, & Kids 

The three things that cause more relational strife than anything else are money, sex, and children.

And it’s not necessarily the actual problems with money, sex, and children, it is the expectations that each partner has about these topics that are unspoken.

If you do not want children and your woman does, this needs to be addressed before you get married.

If your girlfriend is buried in debt from college then this is something you need to talk about before you move on to the next level.

Whatever your sexual expectations and fantasies are, they need to be addressed and discussed with your significant other.

Before you move to a new level in your relationships, make sure that these three areas are discussed and agreed upon, otherwise, you will face more stress than you ever thought possible.

Influential Books

1. Your Brain on Love by Daniel Aman

2. The History of Marriage by Stephaine Coontz

3. Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel


Connect with Erik Newton


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