Dating can be a double-edged sword.
On one hand, the allure of dating can be captivating to many men. You get to meet different women, and the romance stays fresh. The nights out, the trips, the sex — everything is new, and that keeps things exciting.
But as fun as dating can be, it often leaves men feeling empty inside. Casual dating is fine, but what happens when you crave a more profound connection? What happens when you want to find someone you can relate to on a deeper level?
I know men who have dated more women than I can even count who are some of the loneliest individuals I’ve ever met. They have all the money in the world and can do whatever they want with their time, but they still suffer from a profound sense of loneliness.
At the same time, I know guys who got married relatively young and are entirely content with their lives. To them, family and connection trump material wealth.
It all depends on the person, but if you’re reading this, it’s probably because you feel something is missing from your life.
You may have had great “success” with women, but casual dating still leaves you completely unfulfilled.
And as a result, you often wonder just what you’re doing with your life. Well, if you often ask yourself, “Where is my life going?” this article is for you.
What Is Intentional Dating, And Why Is It Important?
The very concept of dating with purpose is foreign to many men. Yes, any and all relationships — no matter how short or how long they last — are born out of some form of intention.
The difference comes from the depth of that intention.
If you want to know how to find someone who aligns with your values, your goals, and your very essence, keep reading.
And make no mistake, finding the right partner can be a truly transformative experience that will improve your life in more ways than one.
But to be clear, a man must be strong, self-reliant, and determined. Some men make the mistake of becoming reliant on their partners, which is not what I’m advocating here.
As the alpha, it’s your job to be the provider and the protector, which means you must be able to take care of yourself first and foremost.
But you should still have a partner who shares your vision. Everyone needs support from time to time, and you’re no different.
Yet so many men will live and die without ever finding that companionship. It is only by dating with intention that one can hope to find that person.
Here’s how to do it.
Before Pursuing Intentional Dating, Cultivate Your Intentional Self
Do you know who you truly are? If I were to ask you right now what your plans and aspirations are in life, would you be able to articulate them clearly?
Because before you set out there on a quest to find your perfect partner, you must do some soul-searching first. Only by understanding yourself on a deeper level can you ever hope to understand someone else.
What many people get wrong with dating is understanding that there needs to be balance between both partners.
For example, if you have two highly headstrong people, they’ll usually clash. If you have two people with very different ambitions, they’ll struggle to find a medium that satisfies both partners.
Intentional dating means being an intentional man. And that means embracing your desires, values, fears, strengths, and weaknesses. Here are a few ways you can do that.
1. Measure Your Level of Self Awareness
If your past relationships haven’t worked out how you hoped, have you learned anything from them? Are these failures a manifestation of the desires and fears buried in your subconscious?
What do I mean by that? One of my former clients went through a string of more than a dozen failed relationships. What was odd was that he was the one who chose to break things off every single time.
It turns out my client had a deep-rooted fear of being dumped, which caused him to terminate his relationships prematurely. He found tiny faults with all his ex-girlfriends and left them before they could dump him.
Of course, he was utterly (and genuinely) oblivious to why he was doing what he was doing. Why? Because he lacked self-awareness.
So, I will ask you again: How self-aware are you? If you’re struggling to figure out how to answer that question, professional coaching can help you understand your subconscious mind so you can make more conscious decisions in your love life.
2. Be Unapologetically, Authentically You
Another problem I see far too often is that a man’s digital persona doesn’t match the real-life equivalent. In today’s digital age, it’s far too easy to curate an online image that isn’t entirely accurate.
Then what happens? You begin dating someone, and because of something you posted online, you’re forced to perpetuate a lie about who you are. Not good.
If you genuinely want to date with intention, you must stop hiding who you are. Take the reins of your own life and make every action resonate with your inner self.
3. Embrace Change
If you want different results from your relationships, you must do things differently.
You can make as many empty declarations as you want, but if you’re not prepared to take action, you might as well be talking to a wall.
Get busy, put in the work, and take action. See what’s going wrong and create a plan to fix the situation. Above all, be prepared to put yourself in situations that may make you uncomfortable.
4. Prioritize Depth: Dating By Quality Over Quantity
If you want a more meaningful relationship, shift your dating focus. Dating loads of women and having a string of empty relationships is often a sign of a fragile ego. Because a man lacks inner validation, he seeks it from external sources.
It’s also an easy route. Finding a quality partner is difficult; finding a fling is easy.
To attract that type of woman who provides you with a deeper level of fulfillment, you need to know who you are, embrace your strengths, and work on growth areas.
If you’re committed to dating with intention, you need to accept that you must sacrifice quantity in the name of quality.
Everyone likes sex, but you may need to be more mindful when getting to know the person in front of you. Playful flirting and casual banter may have served you well in the past, but you’re on a different mission now.
The key is remaining focused and committed to the path in front of you. If you go on a date and she says something that you immediately know will be a deal breaker for you, you need to act on that realization.
Don’t allow things to continue a moment longer than they have to. Accept that it isn’t going to work out, and then get back out there and keep searching.
5. Get Comfortable Dating Women Out Of Your League
Another problem I often encounter is that men label certain women as “out of their league.” They tell me they can’t find a quality partner because all these women are already taken.
First off, understand that whatever ‘league’ you’re in, you’re the one who put yourself there.
No one is inherently out of someone’s league. In almost all instances, it is a person’s choices that make them more attractive to the opposite sex.
After all, Hollywood is filled with male celebrities dating women infinitely more attractive than they are. Do you think these men go around thinking, ‘She’s out of my league’?
Of course not.
And before you rant about these guys being billionaires, don’t. Actors, actresses, professional athletes, film directors — all these people are loaded, and when you’re that loaded, you’re not pairing up solely for financial gain.
If you want to date a woman who has the potential to become a life partner, you have to raise your standards. Yes, quality dating partners are difficult to come by, but that doesn’t mean you are somehow unworthy.
If you need help wrapping your head around this idea, it may be due to a lack of inner confidence. If so, you’ll need to work on it if you wish to succeed. Professional men’s coaching, like the kind you’ll find at Knowledge for Men, can help.
6. Practice Patience — Because You’re Going To Need It
Good things take time. Building this website, my coaching program, and my business took time. Fostering a relationship that can go the distance will also take time.
Not only are you setting the bar higher, but you’re forcing yourself into a situation where that bar has to remain high. And that is a challenging feat.
On the most basic level, all relationships fail for the same reason: one or both partners get a better look at the other’s true colors and decide they aren’t as attracted to them as they previously thought.
If you’re one of those men who never had a relationship last longer than six months, acknowledge the fact that you’re playing a different game now.
You have to not only be more self-aware, you need to be more perspective and understanding; this is a game that is won by embracing patience, maturity, and growth.
I’m not saying you should be pessimistic as you enter a new relationship, but you should be keenly aware that it is a very tall order you’re trying to fulfill.
And here’s another thing I want you to understand. Don’t be too quick to assume that all those happy couples you see on social media are as satisfied as they pretend to be.
People like to put a false image online to hide the truth that they’re miserable in real life.
9 out of 10 happy couples on Facebook aren’t quite as happy as they pretend to be. You, however, are not trying to be one of those guys with a forced smile plastered across his face.
You want to be one of the few men genuinely satisfied in his relationship. But again, that is hard to come by, and it will require a great deal of work (intention) on your part. So, prepare yourself for the long haul.
7. Learn How To Be Painfully Blunt (If You Aren’t Already)
‘Nice guy’ tendencies can be a massive pain in your ass. Let’s say you’re a man wholly committed to finding the one partner you can spend the rest of your life with.
You have a vision of the future — and that vision is clear: financial success, freedom to reveal, a beautiful house with a Lamborghini in the driveway, and a beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated, ambitious woman to share it all with.
Now, let’s say you meet a woman you can see filling that role in your life. You’re on your first date together, and she mentions something that leads you to believe she isn’t ready for an intentional, committed relationship.
Here, you have a few options. First, you can lie — to your date and yourself — about what you’re searching for. Or, you can gloss over this fact and delude yourself into thinking you can change this woman as the relationship progresses.
OR, you can be completely direct about the situation. Explain that you are searching for a long-term partnership and aren’t interested in casual dating.
The problem is that these conversations do not usually happen on the first date. It may be 2, 3, or 20 dates down the line before you get clarity on each other’s intentions. And by then, things feel a hell of a lot more complicated than they did before.
Now you have a weekend getaway coming up… One of your cousins is getting married next month, and you don’t want to have to fly solo… Plus, there’s an incredibly high level of sexual attraction that you aren’t quite ready to say ‘goodbye’ to yet.
This is how it starts. Even though you are fully aware that the relationship has reached the end of its rope, it manages to live on, and with every passing day, it gets increasingly difficult to end it.
You have no choice but to learn to be painfully blunt and direct about your search. Doing so might be difficult or uncomfortable, but it pales compared to the stress you’ll experience if you allow things to continue.
8. Embody The Energy That You Want To Attract
Where do most of your relationships start? Were you drunk at a bar at 2 a.m. on a Friday night? Did a Tinder hookup turn into something a bit more serious? Was your best buddy playing matchmaker again?
Here’s a better question: Should you be surprised these relationships failed? Of course not. That’s not intentional dating; that’s pure laziness.
The general rule of life is that you only get out what you’re willing to put in, so if you can’t be bothered putting in the energy to attract a suitable mate, you shouldn’t expect to find one.
Do you know how many ‘power couples’ I know? Hundreds. I’m talking about a man and a woman who are both serious entrepreneurs who have built their businesses and amassed their wealth. These are people committed to success and won’t stop no matter what life throws at them.
How often do you think these people meet on Tinder?
Do you know where they are meeting? Networking events. Conferences. Professional gatherings. Places and arenas where their energy can be fully displayed and attract those around them.
And look, there’s nothing wrong with Tinder or bar hookups, but if you’re searching for a more serious relationship, your odds of finding one are significantly reduced in those environments.
If you’re a highly ambitious man desperately searching for a partner who can match your energy, why not try a high-end dating site structured explicitly for people like yourself?
Think of it this way: Tinder is where people look for casual sex and occasionally find something more profound.
An exclusive dating site, however, is full of people looking for serious partnerships. So, if you want a serious relationship, the odds are in your favor; it’s simple mathematics.
At the same time, you need to be a man worthy of dating such women. If you’re not there yet, you must do what you must to get there. You can’t grab a fake Rolex from a street vendor and pretend you’re a millionaire; you have to put in the work.
9. Put In The Work To Unleash Your Alpha Potential
Everything I mentioned will be useless if you do not live life to your full potential. And you’re mistaken if you think the shortcomings affecting your love life don’t also carry to other areas.
Simply put, you need to take responsibility for your actions and be willing to put in the work to fix your shortcomings.
If your quest to date with intention and meaning has repeatedly failed, you must acknowledge that you (and you alone) are to blame. You are doing something wrong.
And no one can tell you exactly what that is other than you. If you need guidance or support, my team of expert coaches and I can provide that for you, but we cannot become flies on the wall and watch everything you do.
I mention this because, far too often, men are searching for an easy solution. You can read all the books you’d like and listen to all the motivational podcasts and webinars you can find, but at some point, you must put in the work.
These things are tools to teach you, guide you, and motivate you. They can be invaluable if you know how to use them (and consciously choose to use them).
But there are no magic solutions; there are no secrets. There’s no substitute for hard work…
I mention this because I want you to understand that my coaching program is designed for those willing to do the work. No complainers are in my band of brothers; we don’t have the time for that.
You will find men who are simultaneously as challenging as they are encouraging. I’ve found that that’s exactly what’s needed to become the best version of yourself.
Still, it isn’t for everyone…
But if you do think you have what it takes to make it through this program, the next step is just a click away. Watch the video below to learn more about me, my program, and what we can provide for you.