Depressed, bedridden, and feeling helplessness. 5 years ago, I kept seeing guys I grew up with living “great” lives. They were living lives I could only dream of living, a life with friends, girls, partying, and fun. At the time I had zero social skills, was so depressed I didn’t get out of bed for a week, was addicted to porn, and felt completely helpless.
I was so jealous.
Why did some guys get an awesome social and dating life naturally, and other guys (like me) seemed to be doomed to become social outcasts?
The thought of walking into a party and meeting people was something that made me so overwhelmed with emotion; I remember one instant where I cried (true story). Thinking about a way to build the courage to go and approach a stranger would be something that would make me shake with anxiety.
This deep pain motivated me to conquer this part of my life. I became completely obsessed, I started learning from the best and going out and meeting people. After my years of doing this, I’ve now approached thousands upon thousands of people to the point where it’s literally second nature to me. Here’s the simple formula I followed and follow now to have enabled me to build complete social freedom.
1. Decide to Drop your EGO Before You Meet Someone
Don’t think that there is anything wrong if someone doesn’t like you. There also is nothing emasculating about learning how to socialize and communicate with women and people better. If someone who doesn’t know how to fight goes up against someone with proper training and loses, you don’t think they are less of a man.
They just don’t have the right training; it’s the same thing as someone with their social skills. If your not getting the results you want your not less of a man, you just need more experience.
2. Focus on Exactly What You Want
Get a clear mental image of exactly what you want to achieve in your social and dating life. Do you want a girlfriend? Do you want to not have fear approaching people? Do you want a wife? Do you want more friends and fun?
Get clear on exactly what you want and write down the emotional reasons of exactly why you want to get it.
3. Create a Small Specific Challenge you want to Achieve
Do you want to approach 3 women? Do you want to go to a business event and get 10 sales contacts? Do you want to ask a woman on a date? Make sure you think of something that will make you stretch and grow! Write down exactly what you want and fully commit to doing that action.
4. Start small
Many guys try to do their challenge and they get overwhelmed, so they quit. For example if you want to ask a random girl out on a date, but you still have a lot of fear, what should you do? Slowly build it up. Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to do the challenge right away, make it easy on yourself.
If your challenge is to ask a random girl out on a date or to talk to an important business investor, it massively helps if you build up momentum. Not everyone is social right away so you must proactively build up a social flow state. The first step is to get social and meet random people. Go up to the first person you see and ask for directions to somewhere like Starbucks.
Next go up to another person and ask them for a “good place to go get food, cause your looking to try something new”. Wash rinse and repeat until you feel the confidence to go up to another person and give them a compliment. Then give another person a compliment and strike up a conversation.
Then once you’re comfortable with that go up to a cute girl, and do the same thing. The reason this works is because our brains our hardwired by millions of years of evolution not to feel comfortable meeting random people outside our tribe.
When you get proof from the environment that nothing bad will happen to you when you meet new people, your brain relaxes, and it makes it so much easier to do bigger challenges.
5. Take Action!
Go out and do the specific challenge you wrote down and committed to. When you do it, don’t focus on the results focus more on the action your taking.
Like Stephen Covey says in “7 Habits Of Highly Effective People” Focus on what’s inside your circle of influence and control. Don’t get too caught up with what happens, just focus on the little you can influence.
Feel happy and excited if you kept your commitment to yourself and did the challenge. Bhagwat Gita “You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action”
Your social skills are a muscle that needs to be trained. If you are currently struggling with it or want to improve, you CAN! It’s possible for you to adapt to this modern environment, and remove your fear.
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“Man’s Search For Meaning” Victor Frankl
“Awaken The Giant Within” Anthony Robbins
“The Evolution Of Desire” Dr. David Buss