Your level of success in life is directly proportional to your levels of confidence and self-belief.
If you believe in yourself and have confidence in your abilities… you will succeed.
If you don’t… you won’t.
Everyone knows this. But few people seem to truly understand the implications of this fact.
I see men everywhere trying out idea after idea. Business after business. Relationship after relationship. Never sticking to something and never succeeding at anything.
Most of them believe that their failures are because they lack the requisite skills, resources, or network.
In actuality, they had failed before they even began because they never believed in themselves or their ability to make things happen.
Confidence is everything.
In order to accelerate your success and experience the next level of life, you must dramatically increase the balance of your confidence account.
And this guide will show you how.
The Unspoken Law of Confidence: Built Not Given
Before I can dive into the actionable tactics and strategies you can use to increase your self-esteem and tap into (nearly) limitless confidence, I must first burst a very large bubble.
You are not entitled to feeling confident.
Sorry, that’s just not how this world works.
True self-confidence and skill-specific confidence are built and earned through months and years of practice and developing high levels of competence.
It’s the result of deliberate practice, the conscious expansion of your comfort zone, and more fuck-ups and failures than you probably want to accept.
Fighter pilots aren’t just born confident in their ability to maneuver fighter jets at high speeds. They become confident by practicing their craft for years.
Successful entrepreneurs aren’t just naturally confident in their business acumen. They become confident by starting, failing, and scaling businesses until they have a system that works.
Competence breeds confidence. And if you want true self-confidence, the only way to earn it is through years of developing your competence in important areas of life.
No one can “Give” you confidence.
Nothing will “Make” you a confident person except for action.
There are a number of psychological and physiological techniques that you can use to instantly increase your baseline confidence levels.
The brunt of this guide is dedicated to teaching you those techniques.
However, developing deep and unshakable confidence in yourself, your worth, and your ability will take time and hard work.
You cannot become a truly confident person overnight or even over the course of a few months.
You can’t fool your brain into permanent confidence and there are no shortcuts to dramatically increase your self-esteem.
So before we move on I want you to get one important thing through your head.
You aren’t entitled to sh*t.
You aren’t entitled to confidence simply because you exist.
So if you are someone who likes to blame others for their failures or complain about how other men are just “Naturally” confident, then don’t waste your time with this guide because it’s not going to help you fix a broken worldview.
However, if you are willing to take responsibility for your life, your success, and your emotional states then the tactics that I am about to share will help you accelerate your confidence levels at a startling pace.
Let’s dive in.
9 Self-Confidence Practices to Unlock Your Inner Badass
1. Stand with Your Shoulders Back and Master Your State
The first and possibly most under-rated confidence hack is to master your state and posture.
I know this might sound silly or “Woo woo”, but there is a significant amount of scientific evidence to back this tactic up.
Studies have shown that people practicing good posture feel more confident in their own abilities and more certain of positive outcomes.
In fact, a study conducted by researchers at Colombia and Harvard University found that sitting or standing in a “Power Position” for only two minutes can increase your Testosterone levels by more than 20%!
But that’s not all…
Researchers also noticed a significant decrease in the amount of cortisol (the primary stress hormone) present in test subjects, indicating that proper posture can actually reduce stress and anxiety surrounding specific tasks.
And these results were recorded after only 2-minutes!
Imagine how you would feel about yourself if holding your head high, keeping your shoulders back and your spine straight was simply a way of life?
I can tell you from personal experience… You feel pretty damn amazing.
Before you move on to the rest of the list, I want you to take action on this tactic right now!
Set a 2-minute timer, stand up, shake your body out, and put your hands out to the side like n eagle in flight. Pound your chest, pull your shoulders back, and smile.
… You good?
How do you feel now?
If you actually took the time to complete the exercise then I have no doubt that you are already experiencing greater levels of confidence.
This tactic is simple and easily applicable to everyday life.
Set a reminder on your phone to go off at random times throughout the day so that you stay cognizant of how your posture affects your mood.
Use this tactic before sales calls, dates, and any other important events to give your body a quick surge of testosterone and your psyche a quick confidence boost.
2. Exercise on a Regular Basis
As we’ve already established, true lasting confidence is the result of core competence, not just quick tricks and easy fixes.
And one of the most important areas of competence is your physical fitness.
On the most primal level, developing a strong and agile body is essential for survival… and your 10,000-year-old brain knows this.
Your brain is constantly on the lookout for potential threats to your survival and safety, and when your body is weak and incapable of dealing or delivering damage, your brain knows this and encourages you to play it safe.
In other words, being weak makes you less confident.
This should seem like a no-brainer, but in our overly PC culture, facts like these aren’t always welcomed with open arms.
Studies have shown a strong correlation between regular exercise and high levels of self-esteem, confidence, and general satisfaction with life.
… And it makes sense.
When you regularly train your body, eat good foods, and take the time to properly recover, your neurotransmitters will be optimized for happiness and esteem. You will literally make yourself happier.
As you become stronger, more muscular, and more capable of handling demanding situations, you will (consciously and subconsciously) become more certain of yourself and more confident in your ability to overcome adversity.
Luckily, this doesn’t have to be too difficult…
According to the NSCA (National Strength and Conditioning Association) for new lifters, a 3-day full body resistance training regimen is the ideal way to pack on as much muscle as possible as quickly as possible.
Each session you are going to do 3 sets of a pulling exercise (like a chin-up or row), 3 sets of a pushing exercise (like bench or military press), and 3 sets of a lower body exercise (like squats or deadlifts).
You can add in a few isolation exercises like bicep curls, farmer carries, or calf raises to help bring up lagging body parts, but you don’t need to do anything more than that. (You can find a more detailed guide here)
These workouts should take you no more than 45 minutes per session or 2.5 hours a week.
I recommend that you supplement your resistance training with 1-2 sessions of BJJ or boxing each week.
There’s something about regularly training in full contact sports that increase your confidence in a way that nothing else can.
I trained BJJ for years and can say, with no hesitation, that it is one of the primary reasons I enjoy the high levels of confidence I have today.
So keep it simple and keep it easy.
Train at least 3 times a week. Box at least once a week. Sprint when you feel like it.
If you do these three things, I promise you that you will experience a dramatic increase in your confidence levels over the span of only a few months.
3. Appearances DO Matter… So Act Like It
Did you know that 58% of all CEOs in America are 6′ or taller? But the average height for a male in the U.S. is only 5′ 9″.
Did you know that statistically speaking, when a woman gains more than 60 lbs. of unwanted weight, her wages will drop by more than 9%?
Did you know that several studies have shown an inextricable link between the clothes that you wear and your self-reported (and performance-based) levels of confidence and self-esteem?
I know that none of these things sound fair.
They aren’t nice to point out. You can’t control your height. Women shouldn’t be paid less because they weigh more.
And the clothes that you can afford shouldn’t have much bearing on your financial and personal success.
Unfortunately… They do.
But instead of bitching, moaning, and whining about how unfair the world is, we must work within the confines of reality in order to achieve our biggest dreams.
… In this case, that means taking pride in your appearance and optimizing the looks your momma gave you.
Although diving into the nitty-gritty details of dressing better and caring for your personal hygiene is beyond the scope of this article (I have a great interview with Alpha M. if you want tactical information for looking and dressing better), it doesn’t take much to get started.
Simply getting your clothes tailored, showering every morning, following a simple skincare routine, and dressing in more professional attire is all that you need to instantly feel more confident about who you are and how the world sees you.
4. Go on a Social Media Fast to Beat the Comparison Trap at its Own Game
One of the biggest reasons that men are unconfident today is because of comparison.
Everything in our lives has become about comparison.
We compare our looks to the fitness models on Instagram.
We compare our bank accounts to entrepreneurial veterans showing off their latest toys.
We compare our love lives with guys like Dan Bilzerian who are surrounded by (indirectly) paid models.
We compare EVERYTHING that we have to what someone else has.
And social media is at the heart of this disease.
Studies have shown that chronic social media usage can lead to:
- Jealousy and bitterness
- Lower levels of mental well being
- Feelings of inadequacy and isolation
Trust me, I know lots of those guys personally.
What social media doesn’t show you is the work that it took to achieve the lifestyle that’s being shown off.
- It doesn’t show the rejections those men went through before they became social powerhouses.
- It doesn’t show the late nights or hustling by themselves.
- It doesn’t show the hours in the gym or the meticulous meal prepping.
- It doesn’t show the blood, sweat, and tears required to get to the level where they are.
So what’s the solution?
Get off of social media entirely!
Use it for business if you must. But deactivate your personal accounts, turn off notifications and delete the apps from your phone.
Do it RIGHT NOW!
Social media isn’t helping you stay connected with your friends. (According to science)
It’s keeping you depressed, isolated, and feeling like you aren’t good enough.
If you’re struggling to feel and act confident, then social media must go.
5. Affirm the F*ck Out of Your Awesomeness
I know that affirmations sound like a steaming load of new age bull crap…
But they aren’t.
In fact, psychologists and neuroscientists have conducted several studies using FMRI’s and other brain imaging technology that has shown a significant benefit to positive self-talk.
Affirmations literally rewire your brain to be more future-oriented and optimistic.
If you do them right…
Whether you realize it or not, you are ALREADY using affirmations each and every day whether verbally or non-verbally.
Everyone has an inner voice providing dry witty commentary on their daily lives.
The only question is: What is that voice saying?
If you are suffering from low levels of confidence and self-esteem then I can all but promise that your self-talk is probably riddled with negative loops, pessimistic sayings, and general b.s.
If you have high levels of esteem and confidence, then I can all but promise you that the way you talk to yourself sounds similar to the way you’d talk to a treasured friend.
Over the next few weeks, I want to challenge you to rewrite and consciously select the affirmations you repeat over your life.
Eradicate the negative self-talk and replace it with uplifting sayings that set you up for success.
I like to spend 5-10 minutes every morning repeating a small handful of affirmations to myself while I shower.
A few of my favorites are:
- I’ve got this
- Life is happening for me, not to me
- I am filled with unlimited potential
- I can achieve anything that I truly desire
- Every day I become stronger, smarter, and better
You can even create goal-oriented affirmations to help you focus on specific monetary, physical, or relational goals.
Before you move on to the next section, take 5 minutes to write down 5 new affirmations that you will say to yourself on a daily basis.
I’ll be here when you get back.
6. Overcome Your Fears by Starting Small and Scaling Up
Rome wasn’t built in a day and your confidence account will not go from $0 to $1,000,000 overnight.
However, with a little bit of intentionality, you can dramatically increase the balance of your confidence account VERY quickly.
By overcoming your fears in a linear fashion.
We all have things that we are afraid of.
Whether it’s writing public blog posts for all to see, being honest about our opinions and beliefs, starting a business, talking to beautiful women (or good-looking men), or suffering some sort of public embarrassment.
We all have fears.
And the quickest way to increase your confidence and overcome these fears is to find the smallest first step… And take it.
Here’s what I mean.
If you have crippling social anxiety and you want to become the next Casanova, it’s not going to happen overnight.
You won’t magically go up to the hottest girl at the bar and just sweep her off her feet.
If you try that, you’ll choke on your words, sweat profusely, and make a total fool of yourself (trust me, I’ve been there).
Instead, you need to gradually build up to these big fears.
In the example above, instead of approaching a total stranger at the bar, go buy a coffee and ask the cute barista at Starbucks how her day was.
Once you’ve done that, go to a local Meetup and introduce yourself to one attractive person.
From there, you can try taking a single Salsa class downtown.
Then try your first “Cold Approach” at a bookstore or coffee shop.
Then start going out with your socially savvy friends.
And THEN you will be ready to start going up to the most beautiful woman at the club.
By slowly exposing yourself to the things you fear you will develop unshakable confidence and become someone capable of crushing any goal that they set.
Take whatever you are scared of, break it down into the smallest possible part, and then take action.
7. Leverage 30 Day Challenges to Boost Your Confidence and Break Free From Your Comfort Zone
An excellent way to build your confidence and expand your comfort zone when you don’t have any clearly defined “Fears” to overcome is a 30-day challenge.
I’ve done dozens of these over the course of my life and every single one helped me become a stronger, more grounded, confident man.
30-day challenges work exceptionally well because they help you to gamify the expansion of your comfort zone.
Instead of changing something about yourself or your life permanently, you simply challenge yourself to do something uncomfortable for a short period of time.
I recommend that you find 3-4 friends who are interested in doing these challenges with you (or even strangers you meet online) and set a wager.
Put $50-$100 in a pot and agree to forfeit your money if you fail the challenge.
This will put tangible stakes on the challenge and keep you accountable to doing what you said you would do.
There are a plethora of challenges that you can try out, but a few of my favorites are:
- Cold showers
- No porn/masturbation
- 100 Pullups, Pushups, and Bodyweight Squats
- 2-mile run
- No sugar
- No alcohol or drugs
- No TV
The list goes on and on.
Pick a challenge that seems fun to you and go with it.
I promise you will feel more confident and self-assured at the end of the 30 days.
8. Spend Time With Crazy-Confident People
We’ve all heard the saying:
You are the average of the 5 people you spend time with most
It’s been beaten to death in the world of personal development for a good reason.
… It’s true
People underestimate the impact that their circle of influence has on their lives.
Few people realize just how important it is to spend time with empowering and uplifting people.
I can tell you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that upgrading my social circle was one of the best decisions I ever made.
When I started making friends with confident and inspiring people, I naturally became more confident and inspired.
It worked for me and it will work for you.
If you’ve been struggling to feel confident, I want to challenge you to take a look at your social circle.
How much time do you spend with people who are playing life at a level 10/10?
How often do you hang out with other guys who inspire you to be better?
If you aren’t intentionally cultivating relationships with amazing people, your quality of life and your confidence will suffer.
Right now, I want you to pick up your phone, find the most confident person you know, and send them a message.
Tell them that you are looking to level up your life and would like to grab a coffee to pick their brain and ask a few questions.
The high performers in your life will be flattered.
9. Pick a Crazy Goal and Give it Everything You’ve Got
Nothing will have a more positive impact on your confidence account than setting and achieving big goals.
In my own life, my core confidence was developed by three major achievments
- Quitting my job, starting a business, and growing it to 7-figures
- Overcoming my social anxiety and building an abundant dating life
- Overcoming chronic health issues and building the body of my dreams
The pain and adversity I endured to achieve those goals instilled in me an unbreakable confidence in my ability to make sh*t happen and live the life of my dreams.
But it wasn’t easy.
It took effort.
It took blood, sweat, and tears.
And it took time.
I could write an entire article on this topic alone (and maybe I will).
But for now, I will keep things simple and give you an action step that you can implement RIGHT NOW.
Take 15 minutes after you finish this article and examine your life.
Rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 in your health, wealth, relationships, and personal growth.
Then, pick your weakest area and set a massive goal.
Maybe you want to launch a 6-figure business or gain 30 lbs. of muscle.
Maybe you want to rid yourself of social anxiety and become an international playboy (no judgment here).
Or maybe you just want to get out of debt and read more books.
Whatever your goal, find something that scares you and makes you feel a little bit intimidated and then commit to achieving it.
Once you start down the rabbit hole of setting and achieving big goals, your life will never be the same.
You will feel more confident, alive, and on purpose.
And every area of your life will change for the better.
So set your goal and go get after it.
Your life depends on it.
Confidence is not an inborn trait.
It’s a skill that is bred from massive competence and years of growth.
By implementing the tactics I have shared in this guide you will be well on your way to becoming the most confident person that you know.
…But it will take time.
So be patient with yourself.
Give yourself permission to mess up and fail.
Because you will…
But at the end of the day, if you stick with the program and follow what I’ve laid out, you WILL increase your confidence levels more than you ever thought possible.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
So get after it and I’ll see you on the other side.
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