Why is it that High Performers can crush goal after goal yet still feel empty and unfulfilled inside?
Do you work 10-16 hour days skipping lunches and days off to pursue your goals?
Does that next raise, hitting that next income level or closing that next deal really going to change the quality of your life?
I know me too, because I found myself in the same spot.
Whatever we’re doing to sacrifice for achievement isn’t working, because what we’re sacrificing is far more valuable to us than what we’re gaining through constant work.
Something is seriously wrong with this idea of “success at all costs” and no one seems to be talking about it.
How Can You Trust What Respected Influencers Say?
We live in a world where the leading influencers and New York Times bestselling authors are telling you to work your face off, do more, crush it and be obsessed!
They encourage you to throw your life out of balance to reach financial benchmarks at any cost. We drink it all in, but what we’re not doing is questioning the sanity of these individuals.
Do you really want the lives they have, or do we let ourselves get seduced by one sexy idea that isn’t sustainable in the long run?
They’ll tell you that the key is working harder; first one to show up and last one to leave, right?
But here’s the problem … these people aren’t concerned about your lasting happiness, and, eventually like them neither are you. You end up choosing the quantity of hours of your work over the quality of your life.
I’m here to tell you going all in on tireless, 80-hours-a-week of work is not the key to a life of freedom, joy and happiness.
The attainment of more material items and external validation – often from people we don’t even like – is an endless cycle that leaves us unfulfilled.
But we don’t care and want to hear this message. We believe that, “The more I achieve, the more I am and will become.”
What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others. – Confucius
The perpetual chase for more is not the path that leads to more freedom and happiness.
You were not born to only have a successful professional life. You were born to have a great, full, well-balanced happy life.
Did you know the #1 regret of the dying is “I wish I didn’t work so hard”?
Yes, there is a time and a place for working very hard and making these sacrifices, especially in the beginning of any great endeavor. But that early-stage enthusiasm should only exist for a season because that pace isn’t sustainable, no matter what the influencers lead you to believe.
The 24/7, 365-days-a-year mentality needs to stop – it is pure insanity!
Men need to stop measuring their success in life by their net worth and look at the entire scope of what actually makes a great life.
You are unconsciously caught in a trap where you work very hard to achieve significance so you can buy things you don’t need to impress people you don’t like on social platforms you don’t belong on.
Does this sound like the definition of success to you?
I’m not telling men to quit being successful; I’m helping men remember other aspects of their life that should get an equal amount of attention and devotion as their work
At the end of the day, the reason we work so hard is because we think it will make us happy, yet today we are so far away from it all.
As a result:
Our relationships suffers…
Our health suffers…
Our life suffers…
We sacrifice our values and we burn the dreams of our creative youth.
Many high performers have held their happiness and freedom in prison to their own professional success and they are the jailor holding the key.
You must understand that what these influencers are saying will not work in the long run – even for them.
Yes, you’ll eventually get to the top, but you won’t like what you’ve become at the end of that journey.
You’ll look back at the decades you spent closing deals and grinding it out and often wonder what it might have been like if you’d lived more, loved more and mattered more to the people you truly cared about.
That’s why we need something new; a redefinition of what real happiness and success really means.
A New Approach: Find the Wealth of Balance
The real icons and billionaires (Richard Branson, Warren Buffet, Russell Simmons) – the ones you don’t hear too much from – are not just insanely focused on work; they also have a well-balanced life. These men have learned that when you are happy inside with – great health, relationships, friends and freedom – your business grows, too. You can get to that next level and have fun doing it all the while.
If you are waiting for anything in order to live and love without holding back, then you suffer. – David Deida
What these high performers have learned is that when we become slaves to success, we live in the future and become unsatisfied with the now. If we’re going to start learning a new definition of success, we have to live now rather than at some distant point in the future.
You’ve created an entire system of viewing the things that matter most, and you need help overhauling that system. This is where a men’s coach comes in.
Working with a men’s coach will help you understand and make the changes necessary in your life so you can experience more happiness and freedom, which will allow you to become world-class in your industry.
Let me explain with these 10 steps because this will absolutely change your life…
1. Making money does not equal success in life.
You make money because you are good at what you do, there’s no question about that.
But if you keep living your life devoted to the one thing you’re good at, the rest of your life will crumble.
The money you make by the time you retire won’t replace what you’ve lost along the way. Investment accounts and the well deserved corner office at work don’t restore lost relationships.
A men’s coach will cut past all the profit and power and pinpoint the areas that need the most work: your relationships, health, spirituality, personal development and social life.
A men’s coach will help you channel the same intensity you use at work into other the areas of your life that need the most attention to improve the overall quality of your life.
One of the ways to do that is to do a brutally honest assessment on the Wheel of Life.
No matter how successful you get you still just mastered 10-20% of life.
It’s funny how we can be geniuses of diversification in our investments, but we handle our lives with dangerously monolithic tendencies and go all in on 1 or 2 areas.
Eventually, we’ll crash and it will likely be too late when we wish we only had more time.
What high performers often lack is balance and an understanding that life encompasses much more than just financial and career successes.
Maybe you already know this, but knowing is worthless without action. Are you taking responsibility for the imbalances in your life?
A men’s coach would help you see what you’ve been missing: that career success means you have fulfilled only one important area of your life among many other important areas that are slowly decaying and are crying for help in the form of depression, sleepless nights, and anxiety.
If you really want to 10x the quality of your life, you’re probably not going to find it in career and finance but in taking a look at where you stand in each category and filling in the biggest voids first.
The stress you feel in your everyday life at work isn’t so much the magnitude of deals you’re trying to close, but your subconscious telling you that you’re choking out the things that will truly calm you and give you a sense of peace and joy.
Ever wonder why closing a monster deal only gives you temporary relief from your stress? And you’re off to the next deal the following day.
To effectively reduce your stress, you need to focus on your health, personal growth, social life, family, hobbies that you know you love and sense of adventure. These important areas will give you the balance you need to eliminate stress so you can continue working hard and not burn out so you can successfully play the long game with a smile and live fully each day.
And, trust me, you need a long game approach, because if you keep up your current pace, your body and mind will suffer greatly.
Your Singular Focus Could Be Killing You
Ever notice that high performers have the highest rate of heart attacks, cancers and all kinds of terminal diseases at a younger age than others living a more balanced life?
The problem is high-achieving men often have one area of life they excel in and continue to push themselves in this area because they see success. Meanwhile, they get lost in this for years or sometimes decades and forget to work on other important areas of their lives.
As a result, something counter-intuitive happens. You have a low-quality life even though you’re getting a high return on your work investment.
But while you’re slaving away in the office chasing more “success”, the modest white-collar worker across the street from where you live has a higher level of happiness than you because he also focuses on his relationships with family and friends. He simply lives a more balanced life.
What we can do is change the definition of success altogether.
We make this happen by creating a well-balanced life: excellent health, great relationships, fun social life, spirituality and freedom from business.
Maybe it’s not about always “crushing it” and increasing your net worth, but being happy, having a smile on your face and going to bed at night peacefully with someone you love.
There’s an addicting aspect to your work that we haven’t talked about yet: control. You love it. You crave it and you live by it.
Your men’s coach will help you recognize this, then slowly wean you off your hunger for control so you can embrace a well-balanced and happy life.
2. You love your work because you are in absolute control.
At work, you are the man. Everyone respects you. You are in control; people sense it and they love it. But what they don’t know is that, when you walk out of the building to your car, you’re scared as hell because you’ve entered a world where you are no longer in control – the real world.
Do you ever wonder why you want to be working every hour of the day? It’s not because you have a chance to make more money or because you love what you do. It’s because you love that you have 100% control over what you do, and because of this you are completely confident. Your work is your safe haven; the world outside of work is your fear.
A men’s coach helps you identify these unseen motivations because he wants you to find true success, not the crap that today’s influencers are feeding you to dig yourself into a deeper whole. Your coach will also help you thrive outside the office in the world you often struggle to control.
You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway. – Steve Maraboli
If you think I’m just playing you, take a second to think about the men you know at your level too.
What are their vices? Exotic cars? Boats? Drugs? Alcohol? Porn? Emotionless, detached sex?
These men are just acting out; they are afraid, and to counter their fear they become reckless….
What’s the result of all of it?
You struggle with dating, relationships, your weight, or addictions to legal and/or illegal drugs. All of this is a sign that you’re covering up the fact that you’re neglecting your personal life and devoting every available resource to your “success” – whatever that really means.
The question you need to ask yourself as you look in the mirror is:
“Are you working to live or living to work?”
It’s time we change the definition of “success” and lead the pack by doing what we know works – the pursuit of happiness, joy and freedom. You’ve got control of everything in your work life, so get in control of your personal life too.
A man who has his personal life in control is someone who attracts more success into his life.
Your men’s coach will help you see that taking a step back from the world you control has a slingshot effect. The more you pull back and get a better perspective on a balanced life, the farther you’ll fly once you propel forward.
A good coach will walk with you as you start over, asking for help and seeking guidance about how to structure your life in a way that makes you whole. Your coach will never hide the truth from you, which is why the next point is going to hurt.
3. Making another $100K or $1 million won’t make you any happier and you know it.
In TIME magazine, Nobel Peace Prize in Economics winner Angus Deaton stated that, once you make more than $75,000 a year, your happiness maxes out and more income won’t increase it.
Nothing in your life will change no matter how much more money you make, so stop chasing it. It’s a short, temporary high but it’s fleeting, and once you pass $75,000 a year you aren’t going to be any happier.
Aside from having a few more numbers in your bank account, you’ll feel the same. No number of bonuses, salary or commission will change your inner person for the better.
It’s time to stop sacrificing your quality of life so you can achieve more “success”.
Don’t think money does everything or you are going to end up doing everything for money. – Voltaire
I get that it’s important to make sacrifices in the beginning of any endeavor but, after a certain point, you are unconsciously suffering when you don’t have to anymore.
Your hunger for more money pushes you to constantly think about the future: When can you land the next deal, make the next sale or bring on the next client?
Everything is based in the future and you completely miss the present moment which is where happiness lives.
In every moment, you are either stressfully waiting for something to happen in the future – more money, security, love – or you are living fully in the now.
Instead, use money to achieve freedom so you have more time to focus on building up your relationships, working on your health, having a powerful social life and achieving higher levels of personal growth.
It’s time to start living now – no postponing happiness and internal fulfillment until some later date. If you can create financial success in your life, then you can create more freedom, happiness and strong relationships while making passive income.
And when your personal life is going well, your business tends to grow with it. However, that will never happen if you stay within the safety of what you’re good at: work.
I’m all for growing your business but it doesn’t have to cost you your life. It is the sole focus of constant work, work, work that will certainly guarantee you a life of regret.
Your men’s coach will crack the facade you put up at work and help you face head on the real problems you’re dealing with so you can grow into a stronger grounded man.
4. You keep doing what you’re good at to avoid facing the real problems in your life.
High-performing men are suffering and they often mask their pain with their professional successes.
Others envy their ability to get results, which fuels them to work harder. And to you, that pursuit of excellence is what makes you happy; it satisfies you.
To your men’s coach, it’s just a cover – a costume – that you put over your real issues.
You have to pause and reflect. It’s obvious that trying harder isn’t working anymore. You expend more and more energy to have similar levels of happiness in your life.
You do more, but you feel the same; you’re still feeling the exact same inside despite significant progress professionally and financially.
If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got. – Henry Ford
It’s easy to get lost in your work and not face the reality of where the biggest challenges in your life really are:
• Are you sick and tired of being single…?
• Are you settling in a relationship that you know you need to leave…?
• Are you addicted to porn, alcohol, or (insert drug of choice here)…?
• Are you overweight and eating like crap…?
• Do you lack a thriving social life?
Your men’s coach doesn’t care if you pull in another $100K or $1 million in the next quarter.
He’s going to ask you the hard questions you haven’t had the time or courage to ask yourself that recenter you to what truly matters in your life.
It’s time to stop ignoring the biggest challenges in your life; stop covering them up with professional achievement. Stop lying to yourself by believing that, if you achieve the next big financial goal that it’s somehow going to miraculously fix all of your life’s problems.
The longer you neglect those critical areas, the longer you will suffer no matter how much money you make, how fast your car goes, or how much square footage your home has.
Having a men’s coach will help you face these realities, and in facing them, you’ll start to significantly improve the quality of your life. But before you improve your quality of life, you need to be real about the quality of your relationships.
5. You neglect the people you love most.
You say you’re working hard for your wife, kids, parents or girlfriend, but how are you really spending your days, weeks and months?
Be honest; where is your time, attention and focus really being spent and don’t mess around with me here? I’m willing to bet it’s not on the people who love you the most.
Action expresses priorities. – Ghandi
Sending them a “happy birthday” text or a cheesy hallmark holiday card doesn’t exactly count as showing you care.
Here’s the reality: The people who love you most can care less about how much money you make or what gifts you can send them. What they really want is your time, presence and attention.
Does that scare you? It absolutely should.
Love isn’t something you can control and command. It takes sacrifice and devotion and the realization that the outcome is out of your control.
Your men’s coach will help you see, that what those who love you really want is already inside you.
Give it to them and see the smile on their face blossom. Expressing your love allows you to wake up each day feeling more excited and ready for what’s ahead.
When you have a bad day, you won’t feel so alone or isolated because you have the full support and love of those you care about.
Men’s coaches help men open up, be more vulnerable and be able to freely express their emotions so they can connect more deeply with those they care about the most in the world.
If you refuse to do this, you may pay a very heavy price later down the line that you cannot change.
6. A divorce will cost you everything you worked so hard for
A good men’s coach will help you realize you need to become the type of man that can get the woman you really want and be able to keep her.
If not, you’ll be dealing with the scary reality of a divorce in the future.
High performers can sometimes use women as outlets of pleasure rather than loving them and spending time with them.
For other men, a relationship is just a check box on their list: “Yes, I have a girlfriend or relationship, now I can focus on what really matters – work.”
The women in their life become secondary to their work.
And let’s be clear. You don’t have time to do relationships because you don’t make time.
Why don’t you make time? Because the feeling of rejection and uncertainty does not give you the feeling of success and triumph that you are used to at work.
Of course, even though you don’t have time for relationships, you still want sex.
High performers often date women and never get serious, or are in relationships but aren’t deeply connected to their spouse.
To be honest, after a certain point, she doesn’t care about your income – she wants you.
I am not suggesting turning down the volume on your action knob, but I am saying turn up the volume on being present, spending quality time together, listening, caring and being vulnerable with the woman you love.
To be focused solely on your work, results and professional goals is to neglect that which you love the most. You’re risking everything you worked so hard for by putting your marriage in jeopardy of divorce.
Even highly successful entrepreneurs and icons like Elon Musk, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brad Pitt, Steve Jobs, Tony Robbins and Tony Hawk have all experienced a divorce or two. Those men, in one way or another, have or had massive amounts of success in their respective industries and they still weren’t able to keep their marriage together.
Success in business does not equal success in relationships. It does not magically spill over as we often think. Relationships are an entirely different skill set altogether.
Here’s the truth that a men’s coach will bring out: If you neglect the woman you love most, then you are creating an environment where cheating or a divorce is more likely to happen.
If a divorce happens, it could cost you potentially half of your net worth … that’s half of everything you worked so hard to attain in the first place.
Think about it…
Do you see why, from a relational and financial perspective, it’s important to invest as much energy in your relationships as you do in your work?
Thus, it is imperative that high performers become strong, grounded men so they can get the woman they really want, keep the relationship healthy and alive, and not settle for a woman they know they shouldn’t be with for years or even decades.
Men’s coaches help men be successful not only in the boardroom but in the bedroom as well. They teach you how to lead happy, thriving relationships that last and help you search within yourself to become the grounded man you need to be.
7. You settle in other critical aspects of your life but make up for it with your professional success.
Let’s take this beyond women. There are a lot of guys who are financially crushing it but live like a college freshman with unlimited access to the cafeteria. They put on tons of weight, eat fast food, drink until they can’t stand up and still have a hard time finding a date.
Instead of building real relationships, they resort to borderline paying women to go out with them, buying escorts or settling for a premium Pornhub account with a VR headset on pre-order.
For those who are married, all that settling boils over into their marriage. They neglect their spouse like they neglect their bodies to the point that they’re basically roommates living together.
In Marshall Goldsmith’s best-seller, “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There,” the basic premise is that what you did in the past to get to where you are now will not get you to where you want to go.
You have to change your approach, and your men’s coach will give you the tools to do that.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. – Albert Einstein
You can’t keep doing the same things and expect it’s still going to work. You must re-evaluate your life and pay attention to areas of your life that are seriously lacking.
Working with a men’s coach will help you build momentum in these areas so you can lead a full, well balanced life. A coach will also show you how beneficial it is to ask for help.
8. You don’t ask for help because you think you can figure everything out on your own.
High-achieving men don’t like to ask for help in areas that they know they need it the most. You don’t want to look like a beginner or a student again, proving that the ego is the enemy and it prevents you from actually becoming world-class.
While everyone is wishing they were you, you were wishing you were just happy. You’re afraid to let go of doing the things you are good at.
What else would you do if you no longer had to do the very thing you are good at, known for and respected for?
Instead of hiring help, you continue to work and you hide there, preventing you from ever achieving real freedom. You purposely create a prison for yourself.
You do it all because you think you are the best and that no one else could possibly replace you. The truth is, you can be replaced. You are a talented and gifted man in this world –but you are not the only one.
Hiring a men’s coach is an act of asking for help. As you talk with him, you’ll learn that asking for advice and support isn’t a sign of weakness but that of courage and strength.
Opening up about your weaknesses will help with the next challenge, too.
9. You lack close male friends in your life.
Look at your most recent calls and texts. Everyone is a business relationship, mentor or someone trying to gain something from you or asking for your time, right?
Are all of your conversations about achieving more success and increasing your income?
We already know that line of thinking is dangerous. If they are, you’re missing out on what other men can bring into your life – adventure, fun, support and real genuine connection.
Most likely, though, every male in your life revolves around business or the attainment of more success, which is, ironically, exactly what you are attracting into your life.
I like to say you are the average of the five men you spend your most time with. Show me your five closest friends and I’ll show you exactly who you are and how you live.
- Do they also struggle with women? Then so do you…
- Do they drown themselves in alcohol and drugs? Then so do you…
- Do they eat like crap and are out of shape? Then so are you…
If this resonates with you, it’s time to partner with a men’s coach who can help you work through who you are and who you want to be. As you work on your biggest challenges, you’ll be able to create close male friends outside of work. And as you do this, you experience a richer, fuller form of living.
I’ve saved one of the most important points for last; it’s an area where a men’s coach will do his most significant work with you.
10. No one is challenging you since you’re at the top.
Being a high performer is, at times, a lonely place. Everyone is satisfied with your results, so no one dares to challenge you because you are already doing so well.
High performers can fall into complacency and begin to lose that hunger and drive that got them to where they are today. A men’s coach won’t let you settle and play small.
He’ll challenge you to do things that scare the shit out of you – but that’s exactly where you’ll get the most growth and results from personally and professionally.
Not only will he challenge you to grow professionally, but he’ll be equally fierce about helping you step up in the other important areas of your life such as your health, relationships, spirituality and personal growth. When these areas grow, your quality of life grows, and then your work performance grows.
A men’s coach gives you the masculine accountability that you need to actually follow through on what you say you are going to do. You can’t hide from him; you can only show up and make progress in your life.
The end results are you become a well-balanced man who is happy and has more freedom, which leads to crushing your professional goals even harder, but this time, with a fat smile and peace of mind at night.
The Way to True Happiness is Right in Front of You
If you’ve read this entire article, then, obviously, it’s resonating with you and should open your eyes to a new way of living.
Working harder and pulling longer hours won’t give you true happiness. You must identify the areas in your life that are lacking – then get to work by finding a men’s coach who will challenge you and push you toward a well-balanced life.
You can design your dream life, build it and work at it the same way you worked on your professional goals. Just like in business, there are problems that need to be solved in your life outside of the office.
Those problems don’t go away by neglecting them. They don’t go away with time. In fact, they only magnify themselves longer you ignore them. I want you to continue being successful at what you do best, but, in the end, don’t let it be the one thing that encompasses your entire life and being.
You don’t want to be on your death bed wishing you hadn’t worked so hard, wishing you’d spent more time with the people you truly cared about and living a more free, adventurous existence.
Life can be much greater than just achieving professional goals, but only if we take the time to work on other areas of our lives, especially those that are in massive disarray.
Putting those valuable pieces in order is exactly what a men’s coach helps you do.
In the end, you’ll realize that huge financial goals won’t make you happy, but:
• Going from single to a happy relationship would…
• Going from neglecting your spouse to a loving relationship would…
• Losing 25 lbs. and getting in the best shape of your life would…
• Ending your addiction to porn, alcohol or drugs would…
• Creating more freedom for yourself and getting out of the office by 5 p.m. everyday would…
• Having weekends off so you can spend more quality time with friends and family would…
I encourage you to look at your own life and identify the areas that need the most work. Face them head on instead of hiding from them and hoping they’ll go away on their own.
Stop thinking that achieving that “next” thing will make it all better. It won’t and you know it.
Deal With Short-Term Pain to Avoid the Long-Term Pain of Regret
By acknowledging and fixing the challenge of your own shortcomings through the help of a men’s coach, the suffering you feel will be temporary and go away with time. However, ignoring the challenge altogether will cause you a lifetime of suffering and regret at the end of your life.
Choose the temporary suffering; it’s worth the fulfillment you’ll find in the end. It is a choice to take the path to living a happier, joyful, more free life today.
Hey, you’re not alone. If you want to achieve more balance, freedom and happiness in your life, click here to learn more about my men’s coaching services.
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