08: Richard La Ruina: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want


Richard La Ruina is a London-based internationally renowned pickup artist and coach. In 2007 he founded PUA Training, which now consists of five websites, popular weekend seminars, and boot camps around the world.

He has trained over 3000 men and is the author of the best selling book The Natural. La Ruina has been featured on BBC and ITV, as well as in Men’s Health, Maxim, AskMen, the Independent, the Evening StandardCosmopolitan, and many more publications. La Ruina is a sought-after guest speaker at seduction conferences worldwide.

Favorite Success Quote

“The Superior man is modest in speech but exceeds in his actions.” – Confucius

Key Points

1. “Pickup” Makes You Better in Every Area of Life 

So often men dive into the “Pickup” game because they want to get laid.

But what most men don’t realize is that pickup is about becoming a stronger, more grounded man in every area of life.

The skills that you will learn by practicing pickup actually translate into every area of life.

Learning to read body language and vocal tonality will help you during business negotiations, understanding how to carry on a conversation will help you grow your social circle, and learning to overcome and handle rejection will help you become unstoppable in whatever endeavor you choose to pursue.

So forget all of the negative stigmas attached to pickup and “game” and realize that at the end of the day, all of these practices are about holistically developing yourself into the strongest man that you can be.

2. Dive Into Life and Try Everything 

It’s so easy to get comfortable.

To do the same things day in and day out.

To stay stuck in a rut because it is easy and requires no mental effort.

But if you want to really live life to the fullest, you need to dive in and explore the world that we live in.

Get out of your bubble and go try new things.

Take dance lessons, learn to cook, pickup that old guitar you left lying around, take a course in NLP, start a garden.

Follow your curiosity and do what intrigues you.

Start saying “yes” more and becoming a well rounded man who is comfortable (to some degree) in every situation.

Life is for living.

So stop wasting yours and start making the most out of it.

3.  Being Uncomfortable is Part of the Process

If you are not uncomfortable, you are not growing.

If you are not a little bit scared, uncertain, or stressed out, then you are not on the path to success.

You need to realize that success in any endeavor is prefaced by discomfort and struggle.

It’s part of the process.

If you want to get better with women, it’s going to be uncomfortable to overcome your social anxiety and talk to that blonde beauty at the bar.

If you want to improve your health, it’s going to be uncomfortable lifting weights for the first few times, it’s going to be hard.

If you want to build a business, it’s going to be uncomfortable whenever things fail, when you miss your goals, or have to deal with angry clients.

This is just part of the game.

And the sooner that you can overcome your aversion to discomfort, the sooner you will start succeeding in every area of life.

4. Don’t Focus on the Destination Focus on the Journey

The joy of every accomplishment lies in the journey, not the destination.

Sure it is fun to become a millionaire.

But without the 80 hour work weeks, the crazy highs and lows, and the joy of surmounting seemingly impossible obstacles, there is little satisfaction in a 7-figure bank balance.

It’s great to sleep with beautiful women, but the rejection, the game of cat and mouse, and the thrill of the chase is what makes the reward so sweet.

The journey is what makes life worth living.

So stop trying to rush it and start enjoying it!

5. Always Seek to Understand Who a Woman Is 

If you want to seduce a woman, then you must go deep.

And no, I don’t mean that in a sexual way.

What I mean is that you must look beyond the superficial and the obvious and go deeper into who a woman really is.

What does she like, what does she dislike, what lights her up, where do her passions lay?

When you can begin to answer these questions and find the beauty hidden inside each woman, they will open up to you in a way that you have never seen before.

When you understand who a woman is, attraction becomes inevitable and it is no longer a game where you are trying to get something

Influential Book

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas


Connect with Richard La Ruina



Richard’s best selling book The Natural – How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want

If you enjoyed I’d really appreciate a review in iTunes or Stitcher radio.


3 Responses to 08: Richard La Ruina: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want

  1. David Sweetnam May 19, 2014 at 8:32 pm #

    I can’t believe you’re promoting this guy..don’t you do your research?

  2. Bruno Babic April 22, 2014 at 10:02 pm #

    Richard is definitely the man I can relate to when it comes to meeting women because he finds it very natural and self-amusing to approach girls by using banter lines in combo with the cocky-funny style. Anyway, the reason why I like using banter lines is not just because Richard uses them but also because banter lines are the perfect attraction tool.

    Banter lines contain the two key ingredients of what women are attracted to in a man:

    a) his respect

    b) his sexual desire

    You pay respect to the woman that you’re interacting with by simply being playful with her. And, the whole point of being playful is to mix it up or better to say, to balance it up in combo with delivering any kind of sexual content, because this is how you avoid coming across creep and weirdo.

    Your negative body language is all about you not facing the girl with your entire body, because you want to show her that you’re not needy.

    For example, you spot a very hot babe who’s wearing a tight jeans shorts on her hot ass during the summer time. You walk up to her and playfully say a banter line like: “So, this is how you always pick up guys. I now feel so seduced that you’ve almost made me spank your ass until you scream.”

    Immediately after you’ve said your line and got her laughing at it, you should either playfully turn your head to one side (face away) or playfully turn your entire body away from her for 2-3 seconds. While having your body face away from her, try to kind of look over your shoulder and smile at her in a teasing way. By the time, you turn back around (while you’re still smiling) and come to face her again, you can expect to have her trying very hard to get back your attention. In other words, she’ll be officially flirting with you and chasing you like crazy.

  3. Jeremy December 10, 2013 at 9:36 pm #

    Great podcast! Totally enjoyed it. You’ve definitely impacted my life in huge ways, Andrew. From the very first time I got acquainted to your “The 10 Reason Why No One Knows What They’re Doing in Their 20s” article, all the way up to these awesome podcasts.

    I sure do hope more people get to know of KFM, just as you would. One of the best Self-Improvement blogs for men out there for sure.